12 Months

Dear Katie,

Oh my Lady Katharine. My Katiebear. My Kates. We made it - one year. I was worried you know, about how I'd handle two. I was worried there wasn't enough of me to go around I was worried that somehow our little family dynamic would be changed and upset by the addition of another.

What the hell was I worried about? It's like we were waiting for you!

You, my little grumpy little troll baby from the get-go.

You, my aggressive little miss who has scratched the shit out of both yourself and everyone within your reach.

You, who has managed to wrap everyone in the house around your teeny tiny little finger (including Seamus, who clearly has a soft spot for your cheeky little self).

You, who melts my heart with every belly laugh you give me. You make me work hard for those. The toughest sell I've had to dance for. So when I manage to garner a giggle, it's a triumph.

I couldn't have had two more different girls if I tried. Of course, you're just as clever, charming and gorgeous as your sister. But that's where the similarities end.

Where she is more cautious, you charge in, bull-like in your temperament. Headstrong you both are, yes, but you, are now, and will (likely) always be the louder, more insistent bull in the house (says the alpha bull - yes, I'll concede, you win my dear).

This may also just be a side-effect of your enthusiastic adoration of your older sister. Anything Maddie does, you want to do. Whatever she's eating, you (loudly) insist on sharing. You watch her so closely, wanting to play with whatever she has, whatever she's doing - it's been fun to watch how much sisters can teach each other (already). Patience. Sharing. Learning-absorbing-emulating.

And because of this, you do so many things earlier. Call it second-child syndrome - or is it because you just insist on it? You eat whatever we eat at meals - forget the baby food - that's been passe for a while now. You're climbing stairs. You're taking baths in the big tub. You roam around the backyard and play with whatever you can possibly get your hands on.

You are a one year old going on twelve. The attitude. The opinionated little grunts and screeches. The faces you make when you don't like something (or when you do - the beam is ear-to-ear).

And yet... you are still such my baby. More of a Mumma-suck than I could ever imagine. I love that you love me so much. Only I can snuggle you to happiness when you have your grump on. And when it's time for bed I'm the first one you come looking for, tugging at my leg and give me the "eat eat" sign (yes, this means a bottle in our world).

Ah, the communication - it's amazing how quickly it grows once it starts. Your first word was "tickle tickle" (which is so hilariously random) - but to that repertoire you're added "Dada" (for Daddy), "Mama" (for Mommy), "Duh-Duh" (for doggie), "Ah Dun" (for all done - and this was early! Food, the great motivator), "Hai!" (for hi, duh!), "Dat!" (for that - as in, "what's that?" or "lookit that!"), and "Nuh nuh nuh" (that one's no - every baby's fave). You also know the signs for "more", "eat", "water" and "all done". Oh, and you high five like it's no one's business. (That's kind of a requirement for our house, much to Daddy's dismay)

I can't believe a year has gone by. And soon I head back to work, and you off to daycare. And with that a whole load of new experiences for you to have, without me always by your side. I hate to think of this time ending, and yet, I know you'll be ruling the roost over there within a week, so I don't worry about you. Too much, anyways.

We love you so much my little Katiebear. Your strong-will. Your sloppy open mouth kisses. Your outraged shrieks when dinner isn't on the table fast enough.

All of it. All of you.

Love.

Love,

Mommy

Eleven Months

Dear Katiebear,

I know I say it every month, but holy crap, you are ELEVEN months old. That's almost a year. Which means Mumma is very behind on party planning. And also means our gorgeous vacation-style life of me being on mat leave and getting to spend every minute with you will soon be coming to an end. Let's not think about that right now...

Instead, let's talk about what a little lady you are becoming. Oh. My. Word. You are a master crawler and a bit of a curious cat. You like getting into almost anything you can. You LOVE to play with your sister's toys (she may not love this however), you love playing with Seamus' toys (who is far more willing to share, but ew, gross Katie, GROSS) and you love to climb things (like the stairs, any chance you get, usually while I'm making dinner, and giving me heart attacks - stop that too, okay?).

Along with crawling, you also love walking behind pretty much anything you can push. The little pushcarts we have specifically for this purpose. Or your piano. Or Maddie's shopping cart. Or even your exersaucer (which isn't on wheels, and therefore is a bit of a feat in itself - you little tank!).

Your newest trick is to be standing at your piano, look at me with a devilish grin, and then just "let go". While you stand there, wobbling and wavering for about 5-10 seconds (before you eventually lose your balance and have to go down to your knees), you look at me with this utter self-satisfactory grin on your face, as if to say, "Look Ma! No hands!". It makes me laugh. Every single time. Oh, you are going to be walking soon I think.

Your other trick that makes me laugh to no end is what I call your "puppy dog trick". You've learned to carry things around (like a random Little Person or the Wii remote cover), it's easier to just pop it into your mouth and crawl that way. And then you look up at me, give your head a little shake, as if to say (again), "Look Ma! No hands!" and then you belly laugh. Usually in response to me laughing. Because dude - you're not a dog! Stop carrying things around in your mouth! But also? Too funny.

So yes - not only are you curious and bombing around all over the place, you're also developing a great sense of humour. Doing your "jokes" and whatever it takes to get a laugh. We have another clown on our hands and that suits me just fine. Because you know what? Funny is good. Always.

You love our kitchen dance parties, where I turn up the music and you take turns with your sister getting twirled around to the latest on the radio. You love playing outside - crawling all over the grass and trying to get to wherever your sister is playing (usually on the slide or a swing and you want to be right there in the action). You love watching her at ballet or swimming - your eyes shine while I see you picking her out of the crowd of kids and you track her every movement.

As for eating - well, you pretty much eat whatever we're having for dinner, along with a kicker of some kind of baby food. You still have no teeth and I have no idea when they'll finally get here (I gave up watching for them, as I spent 5 long months doing that with your sister and it just wasn't worth it, they'll get here when they get here) ... but it means you are still a bit limited in diet. Not that we haven't given you steak (which you loved - medium rare of course) - but I'd so love for you to have some teeth so I could feel like you could actually chew/bite something. So, yeah, work on that, would ya?

What else is there to say? You are my funny, jokester, crazy brave/scary inquisitive baby who is a big mom-suck. And I'm not going to lie - I love that you light up like crazy when I walk in the room. I love you too my dear - very, very much. And I can't wait to see the little person you grow into - already so clever and funny - so like your sister and so different at the same time.

Happy eleven months, our little Katiebear.

Love,
Mommy

It only took 10 months and 11 days

But Katie slept through the night.

THROUGH.

That means from 7pm until 7am - no wake ups.

*happy dance*

Of course I woke up at 2am, 3am and 4am ... because, you know... I'm a trained seal.

And yes, I realize I just jinxed myself and she won't sleep through again until sometime past her 2nd birthday. But last night? LAST NIGHT SHE SLEPT.

*random high five*

xxoo.S

Ten Months

Dear Katie,

You were a milestone machine this month my bug-a-lug - crawling, pulling up, cruising, first words. You knocked them out one after another. No wonder you couldn't sleep - too much going on in that little brain of yours.
 
We also survived your first fever this month. Oh my little one, you were so sick and it was so sad and my heart just broke for you. I did my best to make you better as quickly as possible - stomach flus are nasty I'm afraid - but you were miserable for almost an entire week.

Even through all of this, you smiled, giggled and belly laughed more this month than ever before. You love the tickle-tickle game, itsy bitsy spider and this little piggy. You love your books - we're now up to 4 books before bedtime - you grab for the next one before I'm done reading.

You're (learning to) liking the swing and being outdoors more and more. Our new habit is to go for walks with you in the Bjorn facing out, instead of in the stroller. This gives Mumma more exercise and I think you like being up high.

I can't wait for Spring to get here so you can see just how fun our backyard can be. There's water and sand and toys and slides and swings - so much to play with. And I know Maddie can't wait to have a little cohort to share it all with.

We love you my little sweetheart - from the top of your fuzzy little head to the tips of your nom-nom-nom toes. I can't believe it's been 10 months. Oh how time is flying...

Love,
Mommy

Nine Months

Dear Katie,

Oh, what a month my little Katiebear. It's been stressful to say the very least.

We spent the month trying to fatten you up as much as possible - on strict doctor's orders. You moved from solely breastfeeding to solely bottle-feeding (you dealt with this far better than I did). And you moved away from jarred foods into the table-food arena of eating. This proved a bit challenging, because as much as you dislike the purees, your gummy chewing abilities still have a ways to go before we're offering you steak and the like.

However - we learned that you LOVE avocado when mixed with a bit of tomato and cream - guacamole for beginners. You also love broccoli, little hunks of overcooked carrot, pasta (any kind of pasta - avec beurre svp), salmon, yogurt and RASPBERRIES. Oh, how you love raspberries. Then again, they are the best fruit imaginable - so I totally get it.

Daddy and I did the unimaginable and left the country for 4 whole days this month. Grandma & Grandpa V and Bucky came up to take care of you and your sister. Apparently you were a sweetheart, taking your bottles like a pro, sleeping far better than you ever do for us, and enjoying the attention lavished upon you. It was so hard to leave - if it wasn't a free trip to Mexico in the final throes of winter, I'm not sure I would have gone. Again, I took it much harder than you did. You independent little thing.

This month also brought about your obsession with walking. Any chance you get, you'll grip onto my fingers and just start motoring towards whatever/whoever tickles your fancy. You've gotten quite good and can even stand for a second or two unassisted before starting to topple. I keep encouraging you to use the little push-walker, but you have absolutely no interest as of yet.

That being said - crawling is still a non-issue. You are starting to roll and scoot a bit more - but crawling seems like it may never happen. My back needs a break from all the assisted walking though - so we'll be "working on" your crawling this month...

Because - oh the frustration! You know when you want something. And to watch the frustration in your face when you flail and "air swim" to try and get there - oh it's comical and yet endearing, because you, my love, have a Temper. Yes, mastering the ability to craw would make everyone much happier I think.

You have also started "talking" so much more. We hear "da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da" all day long. I get the odd ma-ma-ma-ma -- usually when you're annoyed or grumpy or upset about something. "Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba" has started to come out often too - I'm not sure if you mean bottle just yet, or just making sounds - but it's amazing to watch the words starting to form. You are going to be a chatterbox just like your sister - I'd bet the farm on that.

You're also learning sign language and you're already signing "all done" and "more" quite well - not consistently, but definitely when you want to get your point across. And you love the baby signing classes - you flirt with the teacher and try to "kiss" the little boy sitting next to you - I wish we had more baby classes to take you to, as you so love being around little ones your age.

Oh my Katiebear - you are turning into such a little girl - still so much baby, and yet I can see your personality poking through more and more and more.

I can't wait to see what this month brings - you are our sunshine - filling up the days with brightness.

Now, just learn to sleep, would you? Please?

Love,
Mommy

Eight Months

Dear Katie,

I write this while you slumber upstairs - sleep has been a challenge this month. You've been sick. You're teething. You're more aware now. And I give in - each and every time. But cuddles at 3am can sometimes be so nice (if I wasn't so bloody tired at the time). I'm hoping your teeth come soon - but I've learned (from your sister) that a watched pot never boils and have tried not to obsess over them too much.

Another challenge has been food. You hate baby food. HATE it. Where did you get this strong personality from, hmmm? And thus, far earlier than I planned, you have started on finger foods.  Banana chunks dusted in pulverized cheerios. Pasta pieces from my chicken noodle soup. Rice, mashed potatoes, toast, pizza crust - you are a carb-o-holic my little tiny thing.

And yes, you are still very tiny, off the scale in weight on the growth charts at just 14 lbs 4 ounces (although that weight was taken at the doctor's office while we were both quite sick from a nasty cold). It's a bit worrying - but you don't look skinny - just tiny, with chunk-a-monk thighs. In the meantime, I feed you avocado almost daily trying to fatten you up...

You love playtime and your new favourite thing is to "walk" with Daddy. I never really gave much credence to the whole "walk before they could crawl" baby stories - but this may be you... With no interest in crawling and whole lot of protesting whenever you're on your belly on the playmat, I'm not sure how you're even going to learn to crawl. And yet, you're so happy to be cruising around holding our hands or the furniture. I think you see your sister running circles around you and you just want to get up into the action!

We start baby signing classes this coming week - I think you're going to love being around other babies, since you take the opportunity to SCREECH at any babies you see while we're out shopping. And I'm looking forward to getting out of the house just the two of us.

What else to say about 8 months monkey? You are strong willed, you are inquisitive, you are a flirt (with Daddy mainly - you only have eyes for him once he gets home from work), you are a hard audience (but I can get a giggle or two daily from you if I try hard enough), you are easily frustrated and will be very happy to be mobile soon - you are a 5 year old trapped in an 8 month old's body.

Don't grow up too fast okay? I still want to enjoy your babyhood - trust me, there's lots of time for the running, skipping, jumping you seem to want to do. Baby steps...

We love you, our little Katiebear, so very much.

Love,
Mommy

Seven Months

Dear Katie,

What to say this month? Your personality is getting stronger and louder and more growly (yes, growl-y)... I think we're going to have our hands full with you. Is it possible there's a stronger, more stubborn, more opinionated person in this household than me? I think, perhaps, yes...

Having been on solids for over a month there's still nothing that makes you crazy happy - no little bird with her mouth wide open here. Most meals are spent with you fussing or groaning or (yes) growling your way through it. You are (marginally) happier if you have your own spoon to play with - and you shut the hell up if we give you something in the mesh feeder or a cookie or some other self-feeding/gnawing item. What with all this behaviour and your tendency to grab desperately at anything on my plate or within reaching distance while on my lap, my conclusion is this: I think you're D.O.N.E. with the baby food. Trust me kid - I can't wait I can just throw some things on your tray and let you go to town --- but I'm pretty sure you need to be eating the pureed stuff a bit longer. We'll see - I recently acquired a baby food mill and with that means you can start eating (or getting a taste of) what we're eating. Mmmmmmm!

I'd love to say that all this eating and nursing every couple of hours means you're busting out of your clothes - but nope. You're tiny. Alarmingly so, in fact - and so we will have another appointment with the doctor next week to check your weight again and see if you've managed to get back on the growth charts you so recently fell off of. That being said - you don't LOOK small. You're still roly poly and have chunkamonk thighs - but the scale says what the scale says...


In other, happier news - you added a new skill this month. SITTING. You love to sit and pay with an assortment of toys around you. Rarely falling backwards anymore - I still put the pillow behind you just in case - but you'll sit without toppling for an hour at a time. This also means you're within licking distance of the dog - luckily you and Seamus are developing a lovely little bond - you protest his "kisses" far less than the washcloth cleaning your face after a meal.

The sleep - well, it's still up and down. We've done a bit of sleep training this month, because the hour long routine of rocking/walking/patting of the bum was getting a bit - tiresome - to say the least. And so you've cried far more than you or I or Daddy would like. It's not been fun. And you are STUBBORN. You fight sleep. You hate to see someone leave your room. You protest it all. LOUDLY. Oh Katie - please just learn to love sleep like the rest of us do. Because damn... I need to buy shares in cover up for the dark circles beneath my eyes.

We're going to be starting baby sign language class. I loved this with your sister and I think it would be a nice change for us to go to a class where there's other babies, instead of being carted around to 3 year old classes/groups. And you're already so interested whenever I'm signing to you - such a smart girl...

That is you my Kates - strong willed (already), stubborn (already), but still an absolute sweetheart that loves to flirt with Daddy, throws her arms up in the air and grunt/smile/grunt whenever I walk in the room, and smile while reachreachreaching for Maddie whenever she's near.

Just making yourself known... I get it. And love you for it.

Love,
Mommy

PS - the eye colour? Is still kind of changing - sometimes it's grey, often it's hazel, and sometimes (thankfully rarely) it's a light brown... Don't think it's decided just yet. But blue? Not even on the radar anymore...

Six Months

Dear Katie,

This post is exactly a week late - sorry about that... but you see, that's what happens when your six month birthday falls 2 days before Christmas. While we're all sick. And it's Maddie's last day of daycare for the year. And I have an Open House to make food for.

But enough with the excuses already...

You, my dearest chubby monkey Katiebear, are six months old. SIX! That's halfway to a year and it's all happened so quickly - where did my darling little grumpy troll go? Although you still let out a good ol' grooooooannnn every once in a while, for the most part the grumpiness is far behind us.

Left in it's place is a happy, content, thoughtful little baby. You smile your dimpled little cheek at anyone who pauses and says hello. Never are you happier than sitting in someone's lap while you watch all the action - specifically your sister as she bops around playing and chatting.

You're still pretty stingy with your giggles though missy - how hard are you going to make us work for it??

You hit a big milestone this month, starting solids! After noticing your increased interest in anything I may be eating, I started thinking we should start soon. Then after a lunch out at Kelsey's early this month, wherein you grabbed pieces of salad off my plate and tried to shove them in your mouth - well, let's just say I stopped and grabbed some rice cereal on the way home. You're already up to two meals a day - and so far everything gets eaten, but nothing has been a clear winner. Butternut squash seems to be your favourite thus far - but with all the preparations for Christmas, I haven't really had a chance to make a lot of food for you yet - we'll see what you think about cauliflower or turnip later this week... yum!

Another milestone you accomplished this month is rolling - as of December 20th in fact - you can now roll from your belly to your back whenever you damn well please. Interestingly though, after mastering this skill, you've since abandoned all interest in it. Fickle little thing...

Sleep is still a relatively non-issue. You stopped wanting (or allowing) to be swaddled this month... and so you sleep in a mixture of back and belly - depends on you, depends on me, depends on what position you get yourself into throughout the night. Lately you've been awakening far more at night, but I'm trying to just attribute that to the ridiculous cold that is making it's way through our house and not because you have decided to no longer enjoy sleeping in 8 hour stretches... oh lordy, please don't be changing that up, because that? That, was niiiiiiiice...

Other stuff you do now that you didn't do a month ago:

• Bang things off other things. 
• Reach out and grab stuff - pretty much anything within reach while sitting in your bumbo at the table. 
• Get really annoyed if I take something away from you or move it out of reach (like my coffee cup - lady, it's hot - trust me you don't want it). 
• Say "da-da-da-da-da" all the time and (just recently) "ma-ma-ma-ma-ma". I'm not getting too excited, I'm sure you don't really mean me, but still - love hearing the first sounds!

We've started sign language with you - milk, more, please, sleep and eat - you watch me so intently, I love that you look like you know exactly what I'm trying to teach you. And already you are doing the milk sign, or are you just flexing your fist? I'm not sure - but we'll lean towards genius prodigy and say, you're signing already!

Sitting up is the next step - you love trying to keep your balance and playing toys with your sister. I expect the novelty of having a younger sibling is going to wear off shortly once you're able to really get in there and take the toys away from her. I say - go to it - she needs a lesson (or 500) in sharing anyways. And when all else fails - just pull her hair!

 Love you my clingy little spidermonkey. My grunty little troll. My smiley, dimply little Katiebear.

Love,
Mommy

PS - I think the jury's in on your eye colour - from dark blue on the outer rings, to a bit of green and then light brown closest to your pupil. I think you, my darling, officially have hazel eyes. And yes, they're gorgeous.

PPS - Ugh - I realize just how idiotic my pics look as I MIS-SPELLED "month". L-a-m-e.

I could blame it on the Hubs and my mom being in the room and distracting me with all their "She's gonna fall!" exclamations (not like I haven't been doing this every month for the past six).

Or I could blame it on being sick and tired and rushed and trying so hard just to get the photo DONE already.

Or I'm a just a jackass.

I did have it spelled correctly in the first pic, before she kicked them all over the place... really. Honest, I did.

Five Months

Dear Katie,

5 months. We're almost half-way there baby! What is there to say about this month? You're awesome. You have so much patience (I think I could learn a thing or two) - you watch me make dinner, you watch me check emails, you watch me play with your sister - as long as you're in the thick of it, you're a happy camper.

The sleep continues to be up and down - some nights you give us the 8 hour stretch, other nights (more recently) it's been an every-two-hour thing. Growth spurts, colds/congestion - they've all been working against us. If I'm to be honest though - I don't mind the early morning wake-ups - the 4am snuggles back in my bed. I danced the same slow dance with your sister against everyone's advice and I'd never ever give up those sleepy nursing cuddles. That's our time - when everyone else is still sleeping and we're both half awake and snuggly.

But with all that eating has come the chunk.

Oh the baby chunk - your legs have those rolls that just keep going and going and going. And forget about a wrist - you have a crease instead. I love nom-nom-nom'ing your cheeks and feet and pretty much every part of you - and you (of course) find this hilarious. You smile and let out one of your treasured hehhhhhh's - the rare low-voiced giggle that we can go for days without hearing. You're one tough crowd missy - and it's never the same thing twice that makes you laugh. Don't worry - I'll continue to work for it. Cuz I'm the funny one, and that's my thing okay?

The best part of a good giggle (or even big smile) is your dimple. As your cheek gets plumper it gets more and more pronounced and I love it. We have no idea where you got it - not a single dimple on either of us - but you have one smack dab in the middle of your left cheek and it's freaking adorable!

Milestone of the month? You started with the hanging bouncy chair thing - you like it fine, but will only really bounce if someone's watching you. Show off...

Another milestone I wish we could check off is your starting to take a bottle - but alas you continue to fight it. I've finally found a bottle that you don't scream about - but you just chew on it and look at me like, "Seriously? Are you still trying this shit with me?" I'm leaving for the better part of 8 hours on Friday - you're gonna be hanging with Daddy and Bucky - be nice to them, okay? Or at least, try not to scream too much.

"Okay lady, I guess we're doing this photo thing again, huh?"

"Wait! What is that cool jingly thing you're waving madly above your head?"

"Damn lady - you be heeee-larious!"

"Okay, I'm over this photography session and gonna start wrecking the place..."

Love you my little Katiebear.... my Kates... my snugglerumpskin... my bugalootwo.

Love,
Mommy

Four Months

Dear Katie,

Just a few days ago your Daddy came home from work and commented on how much you seem to have changed overnight and it's so true.

You're not a little helpless baby anymore! You hold your head up so well - getting all kinds of practice sitting in your Bumbo chair, you seem to love this new vantage point and are spending more and more meals with us sitting on my lap vs sitting on the ground in the bouncy chair looking up at everyone.

Your patience with being strapped into the stroller has gotten a lot better - you're a much better shopping partner these days, and sometimes you'll even catch a nap while I browse through the grocery store. And your patience at just being on your playmat or bouncy chair means that I've started to get more and more projects done around the house - you are such an easy baby (now, don't go changing just because I said that!) - you're content as long as you can see someone, to just sit and play with your "guys" (as Maddie would say) - or to just watch what I'm doing. And later in the day (usually the afternoon when Maddie wants my attention and I need to make dinner) just being held or put in the sling keeps you happy and quiet.

But usually you love getting in the thick of it - you love love love your sister - you quiet down as soon as she comes into view and you give her the biggest smiles whether she's looking or not. She's definitely your favourite person, and she doesn't even have to work at it.

This month you discovered the joy that is Sophie the Giraffe - you chew on her and seem to delight in the fact that you can finally manipulate something with your hands and have the coordination to bring something (other than your actual hands) to your mouth.

You also started making hilarious faces this month and showing the beginnings of a sense of humour - the more I laugh at the funny faces you make, the more you make them - only pausing to smile at me in between. You totally know you're being funny and love getting a reaction ... between you and Maddie we're going to have two clowns competing for our attention in a few years I think...

Your fourth month also brought us your first roll from belly to back - you did it three times in a row last Thursday (October 14th) but haven't done it since. You also started laughing this month (September 27th) - we haven't caught your giggle on video just yet because you're a tough audience and not so consistent in what will make you laugh - but it makes our day when you do give us a small giggle here and there!

Those are some pretty major milestones - you're also still sleeping very well at night (although not so much during the day anymore) - just the other night you slept from 8:30 through to 7am - that? Was awesome. And you still love the bath - in fact we've started plunking you down in the tub with Maddie every once in a while and you both love this experience. She splashes you and acts crazy and you smile and laugh the entire time!

And last but not least - you're turning into a little chatterbox. Just in the past few days you've started to coo and ga and goo and ba at us in all earnestness. I love the sing-songy noises you're making now, and of course, when you get our attention making those noises you practically squirm with pleasure.

I can't wait to see what this month brings - you are such a happy, contented little patient baby - where did my little Grump go? I'm not sure, but I'm loving this new you too. My little Katiebear...

Love,
Mommy

Three Months

Dear Katie,

Three months - you are a big girl already! I can't believe that our year is a quarter of the way over - and yet you still feel so new to me.

I love that you're still a little cuddle monster - you love being in my arms and I love snuggling with you while your sister is at daycare. We've got our daily routine down now - while Maddie is in daycare in the mornings we either run errands or do things around the house while you doze in the sling or sometimes we just sit and watch bad tv for an hour or so. It feels a bit lazy but I know the days where you'll just be happy to chill in my arms is fleeting and so I'm greedily taking advantage of it and screw the housework.

We started Pilates this month - you love it as long as you're down in the action. Meaning on the mat, watching me quiver with exertion while my poor stomach muscles beg me to stop. You find this hilarious and coo and smile at me constantly.

You really have started interacting with us - including Daddy - which is nice, because he was feeling left out there for a while. You love to talk and given any sideways glance you start cooing and owwwing and waving your arms energetically looking for some attention.

Oh the tightrope of guilt I walk whilst I give one of you attention and the other is doing handstands trying to tear my attention over their way... This too I know is fleeting and soon it will be me trying to get your attention while you and your sister play off in your own little world, so I'm okay with feeling pulled in so many directions right now. It's nice to be popular...

What else can I tell you about your life as it is at 3 months? You are chilled - much less angry and grumpy and snorty and groany than when you entered the world. You're happy as long as you're in on the action, sitting in the bouncy chair being a spectator to the goings on. You have a million and a half smiles for me and for your sister - and just this month you are so down with your Daddy and his attention too.

And the sleep ... damn it's good. You sleep like I never realized a baby could sleep. Why is this? Is it because we put you in the crib from the first month? Is it because I'm more relaxed and have let you fuss a bit longer to give you the ability to lull yourself back to sleep? Or is it because you are YOU. Your own little person and where Maddie struggled you just champion through? No clue - but I love it. You're usually in bed between 8:30-9pm and you sleep anywhere from 4:30 to 6:30 ... and then back down again for another 2-3 hours. I actually wake up more because of other silly things like poor bladder capacity than because of you. And the daytime sleep is amazing as well - you always take at least a shorter nap of about an hour and a longer nap of 2 hours or more.

Really, I feel like I'm bragging - but if you went back and read about my sleep obsession with your sister at this age, you'd understand...

So that's you - an attentive, chilled little cuddle-monkey that sleeps through the night like it ain't no big thang... Squawking only to get some attention every once in a while and giving most strangers the crook eye to really make them work for a smile.

I like your style already lady...

Love,
Mommy

I'm glad this got to be my next post after the last. It's hard to feel normal about being flippant and writing about everyday nuances of life when everything is so changed. There's guilt about acting like everything is normal and there's guilt about not acting like everything is normal... This weekend is the memorial service and I'm looking forward to being surrounded by family and getting some closure. Thank you for all the thoughtful notes - I know I've been extra quiet, but it's been very appreciated.

Two Months

Dear Katie,

Two months and already it feels like a lifetime. You fit into our family perfectly - all attitude, all up in everyone's business, all opinionated and LOUD.

But you do let us put you down now. In fact you spend far more time in the bouncy chair, watching your crazy sister bounce around the room, than I ever imagined you would. Or you like to chill on the playmat, "talking" to the hanging animals or at that other baby looking back at you in the mirror.

Coo's have replaced the grunts - we like that. You sound and act much happier these days. Especially if someone takes the time to just sit and sit and sit with you. You're smiley and talkative and I swear you have silent laughed at some of the faces I pull at you.

The sleep is getting better...you spend the first half of the night in your crib now - all swaddled up and cozy in your sleep positioner. But you rarely let me put you back down in there after your first wake-up. And so I spend the rest of my night with you, sleeping in the daybed. You have done a few 5 hour stretches of sleep, but those are random and certainly not the norm. Oh well - at least the second time around I realize that this stage, while exhausting, does eventually end. Even your sister, the worst sleeper in the world sleeps through the night now- you'll get it...eventually.

And in fairness, you sleep like a bloody champ during the day. While you still much prefer to be sleeping either on my lap or in the sling, you will let me put you down in the crib for a nap or two a day. (I've experimented with putting you down on your belly and you sleep forever like that - even with me checking on you constantly. I know you'd sleep forever at night if I put you on your tummy, but I'm too nervous, maybe next month.)

I'm trying to find us a mommy-baby yoga class to take in the fall - this is something I never got a chance to do with Maddie and I really hope I get the chance to do it with you, my little Katie-bear.

You are getting so big - I have no idea what your weight is right now, but I'm guessing you're up at least a pound or more from your six week appointment. You're filling out, putting on the baby chunk that makes you feel so much less fragile and "new" like.

So that's us at month two... Falling into routines. Learning about one another. Doing the dance only young families can do - learning and re-learning and adjusting and re-adjusting. Some days are hard. Some days are amazingly easy.

Happy month two, my little Katie-bear!

Love,
Mommy

PS - blue eyes still going strong... Gooooooo blue!

6 weeks = smiles

We got so used to this face every day. Grumpy. Unsure. Thoughtful.

And then, after weeks of getting all up in her face, sing-songing, "Kaaaaa-tieeeee"

...we started to get some reactions. An amused grimace here. A hint of grin there...

...and she started answering back, with her own little "ooooowwwwww" noise...

...until one day she gave up and just started smiling at all of us acting like jackasses in our attempts to make her happy...

We love you Grump.

xxoo.S

One Month

Dear Katie,

I write this as you slumber on the nursing pillow on my lap. Fitting really, as this has been our position for the past month. You like to be snuggled, you like to be held, and you'll sleep all day long if someone will just do nothing but cuddle you.

One month old - and it has (of course) flown by. You are not so tiny and fragile and breakable looking. Weighing in at 9lbs 1oz, you're turning into quite the chunky monkey. And you love to eat - usually every 2 hours, except when you change it up and decide to sleep for almost 4 hours straight (I love those nights).

Oh, the sleep. We thought we had it rough with your sister. If it's possible -- you fight sleep even more. You won't sleep in the crib, the bassinet, the swing, the bouncy chair or the stroller. You want to be held. You want to feel the warmth of another person.

And once again, we find ourselves giving into the demands of a newborn. And so you sleep on me, or with me, or in my arms, for the better part of the day. We're trying to change this - but it's all just so hard. And I know just how short this time is -- when you are wee, when you are small enough to fit into the crook of my arm, when you will be 100% content to just lay on or near me -- I know how fleeting this time is and to be honest, I'm enjoying, relishing, savouring every minute of it.

Happy one month my little grumpy troll. I love your squeaks and your grunts and all your little frowns just as much as I love all the cuddles.

Love,
Mommy

PS - your eyes are still blue. Let's keep them that way. I've got a bet going with Daddy...

Cheer up

I realize yesterday's post was a bit of a downer... and poor Katie - that's no way to be remembered at just 3 weeks old... so here's a few Katie-isms that I want to make sure we don't forget:

• You sneeze in fours. Four times in a row. Every.single.time. It's adorable and perplexing. What the hell are you sneezing about?
• I've started calling you the Grumpy Old Troll - partly because of the crazy frowny faces you give us constantly. And partly because of your groaning, grunting, grrrrrrrrowling that you do regularily (particularly while nursing). Must get this on video. Oh - and don't feel bad, we called your sister The Piglet for the first few months of her life because she snorted so much while nursing.
• You also have the most adorable cry - since the day you were born - when you want to eat you cry "La! La! Laaaaaaa!" It's like a little lamb cry (yes, I know lambs go "baa" - but really, same thing but with an "L" - even the warbly little lamb voice. Again, must get this one video..
• You will.not.sleep in a horizontal position. I've tried. Numerous times. So for now, it will be bouncy chair, swing etc. (Oh, I should clarify - you'll sleep totally happily on your back, as long as you're laying next to someone. Namely - me. So it's either swing, or we get used to snuggling in the daybed.)
• Oh and you love our new sling. You'll sleep like a drunken sailor there. I don't even have to be moving - you sat in the sling while I ate my dinner last night. A hot dinner! Can you even imagine the luxury?
• No official smiles as of yet - I'm sure you're saving those up for a Grandma or random stranger instead of bestowing unto me - but you smile like crazy in your sleep. 
• The blue eyes are currently winning the fight over eye colour. Your sister may have gotten her Daddy''s big brown eyes, but I'm cheering you on for (potentially) inheriting the blue from me instead! Goooo blue!

So - to summarize. Grumpy Old Troll when awake. Deliriously happy baby when asleep. As long as that asleep position is in very close (touching) proximity to me.

Yep - that's 3 weeks.

xxoo.S

Three weeks

Well, I knew it would happen. But perhaps I didn't think it would happen as quickly as IMMEDIATELY after I wrote the braggarty "sleep-sleep-sleep-all-the-time, don't stop sleepin', lovin' the sleep" post. Yes, sleep is for the weak.

I am weak.

I now live in the haze of that sleep-deprivation - lose your temper at the most minor of things, forget to do things like brush your teeth that day, or where you just want to break down and cry (or yell) because someone (you) forgot to buy more milk.

It's a low point. It's lonely. It's bleak and dark and (sometimes) scary because 2am-5am is a time in the day where the minutes feel like hours and the horizon of change seems very, very far away.

And unlike Maddie, you don't have any interest in pacifiers. Or swaddling. Or "shushing". You want to be held, and then you don't want to be held. You hate the Ovol drops that are supposed to help with those pull-up-the-legs-gas-cramps - so you spit out half the dropper back at me. You want to nurse so badly sometimes it's frantic, and then you pull and bite and clamp down and scream like it hurts. And then gobble-gobble you're back in there and fighting me when I try to de-latch for a burping-break.

Three weeks is hard, really hard, this time around. And you're not happy lately, and I haven't figured out the magic ingredient that will make things all better just yet. But I am trying, Katie. I promise I am trying...

xxoo.S

Edited to add: I realize this post sounds a bit down. But I want this blog to be honest, not just a "look how wonderful you are week-after-week" recap of my girls' lives. I'm F.I.N.E. And I know things will change again - probably soon - maybe tomorrow. But in the meantime, this is our now. This is where I am. And hell - you're just lucky I didn't write the post at 4:30am this morning after being awake for 2+ hours of crying. Because this? Is effing Pollyanna-esque in comparison.

Two weeks

Only two weeks, and yet it feels like forever (if I may be so prosaic). Our little family is complete and we're (slowly) falling into a rhythm of routine.

Oh Katie - you sleep. You sleep so much more than your sister ever did. Please don't stop sleeping. We love the sleep. You love the sleep. You're a happy, non-grumpy, content little baby. Please don't change that. Pleasepleaseplease don't change that.

For the record? I totally know you're going to. That the only constant with a kid IS change. But still - I wanted to mark it down for the record that you did, at one point, sleep pretty alright. Now feel free to 'eff with it...

And you're chunky. Already 8 lbs 3 oz at the last appointment with the midwife (just this Monday). Like, growing out of the newborn diapers chunky. How are you so big kid? Not that I don't love those rolls and dimples - because nomnomnom - I totally love them.

You love the swing. You love the bouncy chair. You're content to just lay on the floor and kick-kick-kickety-kick. That's not to say you don't love a good cuddle - who doesn't? But sometimes you just gotta be put down in your own space. I get it - and thank you for it. Because that's when I get to eat...

You (of course) love to be nekkid. I think you get this from your sister. And you LOVE the bath. What newborn loves the bath? Especially when water is poured on your head. We figure it's a whole "reminiscing your old home" thing, but still - you quiet right down as soon as we get your head wet. You little adorable weirdo.

Daddy is still sleeping on the couch downstairs - giving up the bed for you and me at night. But our big master plan is to "fix" this, this weekend. So that room that I worked so hard on these past few months may actually start to get used. We'll see how that goes...

All in all - so far so good. You're fitting in just fine I'd say. I guess you can stay...

xxoo.S

One week old

Only a week old, and already Katie is her own little person. She looks less scrunched, less red, less comatose. She looks more and more like me as a baby girl. She has my chin and my lips. Definitely has my eyebrows and my toes. And yet, with all these differences, she still looks remarkably like Miss Maddie did as a newborn too. My girls.

We call Katie our little squeaker. She is the loudest sleeper I have ever heard. Snorts and snuffs. Squeaks and squeals. It's amazing she doesn't wake herself up.

Tonight we leave for our first road trip to Kingston to visit family for the long weekend. I feel brave and I feel stupid. I remember my first trip down to visit the grandparents when Maddie was almost a month old and I hated it. It took over 4 hours (on what should be a 2 hour drive) because she needed to eat twice and cried so much I kept pulling over and trying to make her more comfortable. I remember thinking I would *never*ever* do another trip with such a young baby again.

Make me proud with your sleepiness Katie...

xxoo.S