- People who judge moms who work - like full-time at other jobs - suck. Because you know what - you're right, I HAVE a choice. And I choose NOT to raise my kids in a squatter apartment in Siberia. Because I'm pretty sure that's all we could afford on one income. I live NORTH OF 7. Haven't I made enough comprises???
- Speaking of work... Yes, I do work from home 3 days a week. Yes, my daughter is in daycare from 8-5. No, I don't think I could get as much done with her around. Seriously? Have you ever tried to write a 4 sentence email with a toddler around? Because, yeah. It doesn't work. And I'm already borderline homicidal on a good day.
- And speaking of working-from-home... No, I didn't see yesterday's Oprah. Or Rachel Ray. Or Ellen. I know you don't believe me - but I w.o.r.k. from home. I don't sit on a couch in front of the tv with my laptop open. I actually do shit. Imagine that...
- Yes, I know could tone/tighten/lose that baby weight. If I actually TRIED. I am well aware of my lack of effort and no, I really don't expect to lose weight just because I want to. (am totally lying - thought I would've dropped 10lbs just by the force of owning an elliptical)
- Am I aware that I wear less makeup/dress more casually/am wearing flat shoes? Yes fucko, I am. Am also aware that I am currently (like right now! right this very minute!) wearing jeans with stretch denim for a waist, kinda like maternity pants (but I assure you they are not...please see below). Does that mean I gave up? No. But I'm far more comfortable now, fuckyouverymuch.
- How long am I waiting to have a 2nd child? This is my fave. Here's the answer du jour: "Wow - you sure like personal questions!" Does said person often continue to badger for an answer? You'd think not right? Oh no ... they totally do. Next time I'm just going to scream in the little old lady's face at the grocery store as a distraction. Then she and the cashier can talk about how much they hope I DON'T have a 2nd...
- And lastly (and most timely of all) - no, I'm not cooking a turkey for Thanksgiving. No, I don't plan on doing so. I have a thing about raw poultry and shoving things up the bum of a bird. Yes, I'm aware this makes me weird. Doesn't mean I don't love eating turkey and all it's yummy sidekicks. Yes, I totally get the selfish, self-serving spin of this all. I'm an only child, whaddya want?