The new Santa rules

Last year's Christmas was a little less fun than we'd like it to be. With us all fighting holiday colds (well, the Hubs failing the fight and managing to catch pneumonia), me being first trimester pregnant (tired, hormonal and nauseous) and about one TRILLION presents under the tree - it was a hard day. So hard in fact, that we had to take a break from opening presents. Yes, you heard me. Take.A.Break. It was the glazed look on Maddie's face while unwrapping and her zero enthusiasm over the gifts that gave us a clue that she might be just A BIT overstimulated.

So after about a million meltdowns (on all our parts) and a living room that looked like a Toys R Us exploded in it, we took stock and decided to institute some new present-giving "rules" this year. And don't worry, the grandparents have been well notified, so it's not like I'm breaking the news to them on this blog!

Main rule? Each child can receive no more than ONE toy from each set of grandparents. Books, clothes or donations to their RESP's - well, have at it. But actual play-toys? Limit is one. If the limit is exceeded? Then extra toys will be promptly donated to the local toy drive.

It's not about being scroogy on our parts - it really is about the amount of toys that we have in our house already. (Oh, I know there are parents out there reading this, thinking HELL YA!) I actually look around and am at a bit of a loss as to what we're even going to get the girls this year. They have so much - which is a great, wonderful, first-world complaint to have - I KNOW.

But this brings me to the point of our new rules - it has to stop somewhere, right? I really don't want the expectation of that kind of...err... materialistic debauchery every Christmas - because, whoa -- it's just too much.

And so... the new Santa rules are born. We'll see how it goes. Both my mom and the Gramma V have skirted the rules by giving Maddie a few toys "just because" recently.

Of course they have, right?

xxoo.S

Bottle woes

When Maddie was young we were all about making sure the bottle was introduced at the right time (i.e. not too early to avoid nipple confusion and not to late to make sure she didn't turn it away) - I think we gave her a bottle when she was around 5-6 weeks old. She took to it well - didn't seem to have a problem with bottle vs. breast and switched back and forth very easily (until about 9 months when I thought it was time to start the weaning process and she immediately REFUSED any and all bottles - but that's another headache I'm sure we'll get to experience again).

Now this doesn't mean I actually left Maddie a whole lot - but when I did, I could do so, knowing she'd be fed and happy(ish).

Well... chalk up another parental mis-step to us being a) lazy, b) tired, and c) distracted... I haven't been watching the calendar/clock this time around - which in the most part has been great. It means I don't get all tied up in knots if she's not meeting all the specific developmental "milestones" on time. But it also means that she was about 9 weeks old before I realized, shit, we haven't given her a bottle yet.

So we've been trying here and there... and failing fairly miserably each time. My sister-in-law has been most successful - she got her to take about 2 ounces a few weekends ago. But it took forever and Katie was pretty lukewarm about the whole thing.

To be honest, I'm one of those silly moms who actually doesn't spend a whole lot of time away from her baby and I'm usually pretty okay with it. Except when I'm not. Or I want to have a few glasses of wine. Or I think about my impending birthday plan that will take me away for an overnight trip in about 3 months time... So yes, while I too prefer to breastfeed vs. trying to do a bottle on a regular basis, I do realize the necessity of having it as a viable backup plan.

Also? I'm not pumping a freezer full of milk for no good reason...

So last night, as Katie started to get hungry I heated up a fresh bottle, handed it to Daddy and quietly left the room.

She took to it quite quickly and readily (I was peeking around the corner). Doing really well actually until I decided to take a picture of the cuteness. And then she got distracted. Or saw that it was not actually me, or a boob, that she was with - and WTF? She was pissed.

I quickly left the room again - apparently she went back to the bottle for about 5.8 seconds and then tried to root around on Daddy looking for something better. Unsuccessful she started to wail. And wail. And WAIL.

Brought up to me within 2 minutes of me leaving the room, she settled in for a LOOOOONG meal. As in - I know you're trying to keep this from me so Imma gonna stock up.

Maybe it's the bottles? We're using the Avent bottles that Maddie took to so readily - but I know, different babies like different things... Any better bottle/nipple suggestions out there?

Before things went all pear-shaped...

xxoo.S

To nap or not to nap...

I've been quizzing all my fellow moms out there lately about just when their toddler gave up their afternoon nap. After a few months of bedtime worries - fighting Maddie to go to sleep by 8pm, dealing with a thousand requests after she's actually in bed, listening to her play around and read to herself in her room sometimes up until 9:30pm - I finally realized, huh, perhaps she's getting ready to give up her afternoon nap.

Thing is - I'm not so sure I'm ready for her to give up her afternoon nap. That time is precious to me. During the week, with her coming home from daycare after lunch, it means that I still get a few hours just with Katie. Whether that's spent eating lunch, doing errands around the house or just napping myself - it's still time.for.me. On the weekend (and non-daycare days like Friday) it gives us a bit of a break after a full morning of toddler energy.

I like that break. I need that break.

I'm told if she gave up her afternoon nap, she'd likely start going down in the evening much earlier (like 7-ish) - but really? That only gives me an extra hour in the evening. And it would mean she would see her daddy for approximately 30-45 minutes every weekday.

Ah.... nope. That's not for us. To be honest, she's stopped with the full-on-body-attack-refusal of bedtime that she was giving us during the summer. And I really don't give a damn if she sits and reads to herself between 8-9pm. She's not coming out of her room. She's not requiring me to read beyond my requisite 1-2 stories per evening. She's just sitting up reading to herself until she gets sleepy. Not the worst thing in the world...

However, she has started doing this at naptime as well (to the point where I have to go up and sternly tell her "that's the last story - go to SLEEP"), so I can see how we may be transitioning to a couple of hours of just "quiet" time in the afternoon. BUT when she does finally fall asleep, she's down for a solid few hours and I'm usually having to wake her up at 4pm. So I'm just not convinced she's ready to give up that rest period.

So yes - this is me - resisting change. Fighting for the afternoon naps to stick with us for a little bit longer. Fighting tooth and bloody nail to keep that "me time".

xxoo.S

We survived

It was a single-parenting weekend here and we survived. I was about to type "barely" but actually, we did a bit better than that. It helped that Katie is still napping like a champion (it's hit or miss if she'll actually go down, but when she does, she sleeps for hours on end).

And I find that Maddie acts differently when Daddy's not around - not when he's just at work or something, but when she knows that he's actually away, she's .... I don't know? Easier on me? Is it possible for an almost-3-year-old to summon up that kind of empathy?

She gives less hassles at bedtime (usually). Eats her meals without complaint (mostly). And just generally is a bit more easygoing (sometimes).

Hmm - good thing Hubs doesn't read this, as I don't need him feeling less guilty about all his man-cations. So let's just keep this between us, yes?

*************************

Adorable cuteness ahead:

On Saturday afternoon (taking advantage of one of Katie's super-long naps) Maddie and I were outside. She: splashing in and out of the pool, playing hard in her playhouse, with her stroller, on her slide. Me: weeding and gardening our poor decrepit backyard that has been ignored all summer long.

At one point, as I was pulling up some of the finished plants in the garden, she came over to "help" (read: dig up shovels of dirt and dump it on the lawn). I came across what I suspect now may have been a tree root from our neighbour's tree. I snipped it and tried pulling up the one end - which must have been longer than I thought because it was really stuck. As I was yanking and pulling and yanking and pulling Maddie started to cheer me on, "Good job Mommy! You're doing it! You're doing it like a big girl!"

It cracked me up listening to her cheer me on with the same phrases, verbatim, that I use when encouraging her to do something on her own (vs. me having to do everything for her).

And yes, damn right I pulled up that root like a Big Girl.

xxoo.S

The Babysitter

She came. She sat. She conquered.

We had been preparing Maddie all day on Saturday for the fact that Gabrielle was coming to hang out at dinner time. That Mommy and Daddy were going out and taking Baby Katie with us. And therefore, it would be Gabrielle who did bath-time, story-time + bed-time with her.

I had no hopes that all of this prep-work would stick. In fact, I fully expected to have a nightmarish, leg-clinging toddler on my hands when it actually came time to go.

Oh how wrong I was! She (meaning Maddie) was awesome - totally took it in stride and informed Gabrielle of all the above facts. "You gonna give me a bath, then read me books, and then put me to bed!"


So it would seem we have found a babysitter. Woot.

xxoo.S

PS - our night out was fabulous - thank you R&V for the great dinner invite!

Kijiji blind date

We interviewed our first teenage babysitter today. I have (for the past year or so) been trying to find someone through a "neighbour referral" - to no avail. I supposed it doesn't help that we don't actually know that many people in the neighbourhood, and those that we have met, only seem to have 12 year olds (a little young to be babysitting until 11pm).

So to Kijiji I went... (and can I just for probably the eleventy-millionth time tell you how much I HEART Kijiji? Especially since I've been selling all my old maternity clothes through it lately and making a nice little cache of spending $$ on items that would have otherwise just found their way into the Goodwill bin)... but finding a babysitter through Kijiji? I felt a little sketchy. Especially as I studiously ignored all the "I'm 30-something and just love kids and want to make some extra money on the side" ads ... not that I don't think that it's all possible, but there's just something more legit about a teenage kid wanting to do some occasional babysitting, you know?

And so the first "normal" looking ad I responded to, asking if she'd be willing to come for an interview first so we could meet each other, Maddie could meet her etc etc etc.

She showed up with her mom in tow (which I found to be somewhat reassuring - they were just as nervous about our "kijiji meet up" as I was) (and also? I'll totally be that over-protective mother). Things to note about future babysitting interviews:

• Perhaps I should at least attempt to prepare some questions beforehand. I'm anal and love my lists, but didn't think to actually write down any of the questions or things I wanted to go over ahead of time - which meant I missed about 5 things I wanted to cover. Dumbass.
• Setting a time of 5pm for anything (especially an interview with a complete stranger) borders on the demented as Maddie is a) whiny and annoying at that time of day, b) hungry and demanding a snack before dinner, and c) only interested in parking her bottom in front of the tv to watch DORA on repeat until dinner is served.
• 5pm also happens to be Katie's clusterfeeding / fussy time. Again - not all that conducive to trying to get to know a complete stranger.

Needless to say - it was a LONG 30 minutes. Filled (luckily) with the babysitter's mom's anecdotes about having babies + toddlers and the chaos that goes with this stage. But in the end? I think we may have found our teenage occasional sitter - she is a sweet, unassuming girl who is going for her lifeguard certification this fall, who enjoys playing intramural soccer, who attends a private French school and therefore is completely bilingual, and who volunteers on the weekends to teach art to children.

Holy shiznay, right? She really does seem like a perfect child - don't expect she'll be inviting boys over for a snog after Maddie goes to bed.

So we are covered and free to attend a friend's housewarming party this weekend + numerous "date nights" in the near future. Woot to Kijiji!

xxoo.S

PS - No, I'm not leaving baby Kate with her as well - she will be tagging along with us. Babies that don't speak and don't run around and (hopefully) don't cry are welcomed at this non-kid affair. We'll just tuck her in the corner somewhere so she can sleep through it... (who are we kidding, she'll be in the sling worn by me all night)

PPS - Funny embarrassing story of the day? In the middle of the interview, Maddie randomly began demanding to be nursed. DEMANDING it. Like "Mommy! Mommy! MOMMY! I want boobie milk!" all while feeling me up with the obnoxiousness of a 15 year old boy. I told my audience that I wasn't sure why she was doing this, as she is no longer being nursed and never asks for it. The mother's response? "Oh they just know the right buttons to press to get the attention they want in these situations." Touché Wise Woman, touché.

Bedtime routines

We started our bedtime routine with Maddie at a very young age. I think she was only a few weeks old when we started bathing her every night, doing baby massage/lotion etc afterwards in a desperate attempt to make her understand that this meant "bedtime" and bedtime meant "sleep".

As she got older the routine expanded - books + bedtime bottle + rocking chair cuddles were added. When we changed her room over to "big girl" status, we got rid of the bottle + rocking chair - but somehow more books were added to the routine and a sippy cup of milk became a requirement.

It got to the point that it was taking almost an hour from start to finish to "do" bedtime. Which meant we needed to get started by 7:15 at the very latest to get her down for 8pm.

That was - until last week. You see - Maddie spent the past two weeks at Gramma V's. And god bless her heart (because thank you to any grandparent that will take an almost-3-year-old for an extended visit!)... but now we have a toddler with a 10pm bedtime, who wants her overhead light to be on all night and who is demanding about a thousand books to be read to her before night-night.

And that? Makes for an almost two hour bedtime routine. And we were thinking one hour was excessive.

So the past five days since being home, we have been working on ridding Maddie of these habits.

First to go was the overhead light being on. (Sidebar on this: not sure how or why, but Maddie developed a fear of the dark during her stay in Kingston. Which meant she asked for the overhead light to be put on before going to bed. Which then meant she either woke up to bright shining light at 4am and wanted to play, or woke up to it being turned off sometime before the adults went to bed and screamed bloody murder for it to be turned back on. It was..... in a word.... NOT fun). I wasn't about to let her get into this same habit at home - I figured if we had any chance of getting rid of this habit, it would be in her own room, where she felt most comfortable and where I felt most comfortable letting her cry if she didn't like it. It took one night to break this habit.

The additional books in the routine were a little harder - but we've just been consistently firm - she gets a total of 3 books ONLY and she chooses which books these will be before getting into bed. There have been tears and tantrums about more books, but again, with us holding firm she seems to be getting the picture that we're not giving her an endless supply of stories at bedtime.

And the last little wrinkle is moving the bedtime back up to where it needs to be. This has been trickier - and she can fight (oh she can fight) going to bed like no one's business. Requests for more milk, a glass of water, one more story, just one more kiss, a hug from daddy, please mommy - don't leave me here... we've heard it all. And being told that "Please don't leave Mommy, I miss you" is a bit heart-breaking when you need to walk away.

But the temper tantrums have been epic. There have been time-outs. There have been cry-it-outs. There was even one small (diapered bum) spanking administered by Daddy. (Yes, I can't believe I'm even admitting it out here in blogspace - let the vultures now rip me to shreds) But we're making progress. She went to sleep last night by 9pm with barely a complaint. If we can shave another 1/2 hour off in the next week, we'll be back to normal (since 8:30 is acceptable in the lighter days of summer)...

Here's my question to the moms out there though ... how long is your bedtime routine? What does it involve? Are we insane to be happy enough with a 45 minute routine that includes 3 books? Or is that normal? (Is anything really normal?) ... tell me peeps... I want to hear your opinion on this.

xxoo.S

Three weeks

Well, I knew it would happen. But perhaps I didn't think it would happen as quickly as IMMEDIATELY after I wrote the braggarty "sleep-sleep-sleep-all-the-time, don't stop sleepin', lovin' the sleep" post. Yes, sleep is for the weak.

I am weak.

I now live in the haze of that sleep-deprivation - lose your temper at the most minor of things, forget to do things like brush your teeth that day, or where you just want to break down and cry (or yell) because someone (you) forgot to buy more milk.

It's a low point. It's lonely. It's bleak and dark and (sometimes) scary because 2am-5am is a time in the day where the minutes feel like hours and the horizon of change seems very, very far away.

And unlike Maddie, you don't have any interest in pacifiers. Or swaddling. Or "shushing". You want to be held, and then you don't want to be held. You hate the Ovol drops that are supposed to help with those pull-up-the-legs-gas-cramps - so you spit out half the dropper back at me. You want to nurse so badly sometimes it's frantic, and then you pull and bite and clamp down and scream like it hurts. And then gobble-gobble you're back in there and fighting me when I try to de-latch for a burping-break.

Three weeks is hard, really hard, this time around. And you're not happy lately, and I haven't figured out the magic ingredient that will make things all better just yet. But I am trying, Katie. I promise I am trying...

xxoo.S

Edited to add: I realize this post sounds a bit down. But I want this blog to be honest, not just a "look how wonderful you are week-after-week" recap of my girls' lives. I'm F.I.N.E. And I know things will change again - probably soon - maybe tomorrow. But in the meantime, this is our now. This is where I am. And hell - you're just lucky I didn't write the post at 4:30am this morning after being awake for 2+ hours of crying. Because this? Is effing Pollyanna-esque in comparison.

The only child transition

Remember how obsessed I was with how Maddie was going to take the upheaval of a new baby in the house? I think I obsessed over it a few (thousand) times.

Well, I'm not going to be one of those moms that says "Oh she was great, took to it like a champ, no real issues." Because really? That would be a lie...

In fairness, Maddie has been more than loving and accepting and mothering towards her new baby sister. To the point of coming over to her and petting her face whenever she cries, saying, "S'okay Katie, shh-shh-shh, s'okay."

How friggin' cute is that?

And towards Daddy there hasn't been a large change - in fact, I'd venture a "nothing has changed at all" in their relationship. She's still a Daddy's Girl, relishes his attention when he's home from work and wants to be near him most of the time.

But with me? Well, it varies. Luckily I'm not getting a tonne of aggression - in fact, she hasn't been nearly as pissed at me as I expected she would be. Instead there's a lot of, "Mama do it!" going on instead. "Mama read me another story." "Mama pick me up." "Mama take me to the potty." "Mama come outside to play with me."

Usually this only happens while I'm breastfeeding Katie or doing something equally as difficult to multi-task with.

Of course, right?

So there's been a few challenges behaviour-wise. Bedtime recently has been exceptionally difficult. But on the upside: there's been no major regressions in behaviour (unless you count the requests to be carried around and the one request for "boobie milk" she made one night - erm.... yeah, they might count, right?) and potty training has continued without a hitch. I don't want to jinx myself and say she's "trained" - but she does (often) go to the potty without being asked, hasn't had an accident in almost a week and can navigate the whole potty experience on her own (especially as she refuses to wear anything but dresses nowadays).

As long as the meltdowns go away (or at last subside slightly), I think I can handle this two-kid-gig. It`s a bit precarious at the moment, but at least leaning to the side of manageability...

And that's a good thing, since I'm pretty sure they didn't come with a "return policy".

xxoo.S

Early morning adventures

So aside from being super-awesome of late, in a great mood, sleeping like a demon and potty-training like a rockstar, Maddie has learned another cool trick.

Getting out of bed, opening her door, and wandering around the house in the early-morning hours.

I remember all my anxiety leading up to the transition to her "big girl" bed - would she fall out, would she hate it, would she jump out of bed every chance she got and never sleep. And then the transition turned out to be the easiest thing in the world... and I was all like, what's with the hoopla people?

Now I get it.

She's known how to open and close doors forever. And she learned how to climb in and out of her bed fairly quickly (why did I ever praise her when she was doing this??).

And then last weekend, she put two and two together. For a while (before she got comfortable with getting out of bed on her own) she would just sit up in bed and call out for me in the morning. Then she started getting out of bed and going to her door, knocking on it, calling for me.

Either of these two was entirely acceptable ways to wake up in my opinion.

Waking up to a stealth-like-ninja-child creeping into my room silently and staring at me from the side of the bed? Not the most relaxing way to wake up.

Even less relaxing? Waking up to an open-doored, empty bedroom and having to search the upstairs for my toddler, who has been up for who knows how long? Very much not relaxing.

Am realizing, as I type this, that I sound like the most irresponsible parent in the world... I'm actually a very light sleeper and have a pretty good mom-sensor as to her wakefulness, so I'm pretty sure she's only ever been up for 5 minutes on her own at the most...


Anyhoo - I should probably note, we ALWAYS have the child-gate secured at the top of the stairs. And all the bathroom cupboards are child-locked. So the worst she can really get up to is pulling out all the towels from the linen closet, going into the baby's room to snoop around the new toys/clothes/bags strewed across the floor, or climb up on the blanket box to look out the hallway window. Pretty benign adventures.

But still a little jarring and so looking online as to what other's suggest I come across two options. Either lock (or secure) the bedroom door (i.e. using those child-proof door-knob covers), or put up a child-gate on the outside of the kids door.

Now the first option, essentially locking the child in their room, while the safest of all options, is not an option (for me). Not that I have an actual phobia about being trapped, but holy shit, that would scare the hell out of me personally and so I really don't fathom doing this to my little miss.

The second option - the baby gate outside the door - well, more humane in at least they see why they are trapped - but still... I can't help but feel like we're moving backwards a bit? And also, the baby gates we currently have from the earlier baby days are too thick to work in the door jamb with the door closed, so yeah... it means we have to go out and buy a new safety gate, just for this.

Unless there's another suggestion that I'm totally missing?

xxoo.S

The resilience of children

We had a sick weekend here at Casa V - Maddie came down with a fever by noon on Saturday and ground productivity for the weekend to an effective halt. Luckily the fever was easily managed by Tylenol, but it's still upsetting to see your little boo get cranky and flushed and incredibly unhappy every 4 hours as the medicine wears off.

But the flip side - watching how incredibly happy and mobile she was while the meds WERE working - now that's a sight.

Is it just me? It always amazes me how well kids deal with illness. Or I should say, how my kid deals with illness (can't really speak from experience about others - but have heard similar sentiments). It's like - they're only taken down and out when it's really serious. But some sniffles? A few aches and pains? A sore throat or even light fever? Without fail, Miss M is smiling and happy and playing her way through it.

So here's my question? Is it just because we're older and therefore just that much closer to death (har dee har har) that makes us unable to fight the temptation to pull the covers over ourselves and block out the world when we're feeling sick? Or barring be able to do that (because, really, when's the last time you ACTUALLY spent the day in bed, taking care of yourself when you were sick - and men, this question is not for you!)... just how well do you find yourself coping with the feeling of being sick?

I'm not going to sugar coat it. I'm a whiner. I'm a total table-for-one, host-of-the-pity-party. I like to call MY Mommy and tell her all my ailments so she can tell me what I should do (which, being a nurse, usually is, stop feeling sorry for yourself, take some Advil and drink some tea).

And don't get me wrong. A sick Maddie is a miserable house over here 60% of the time. But it's the other 40%, where she's spinning around the living room singing some Cinderella song at the top of her lungs, that makes me go, huh. Wonder if it's just mind over matter. And if being so self-aware (and self-pitying) is really worth it...

xxoo.S

How to torture oneself in 7 easy steps

1. Decide to have an early night, because it's been a long week and you're tired.
2. Enjoy a nice cup of hot milk prior to bed (yes indeed, I do this often - it's cozy and warm and helps me sleep, so shut it).
3. Fall asleep instantly and enjoy said sleep for 1.5 hours.
4. Be awoken by a call over the monitor... "Mommy.... Maddie want milk".
5. Realize as you awake that, shit, you drank the last of the milk before you went to bed.
6. Try to explain this absence of milk to an increasingly demanding and irrational toddler.
7. Deal with the fall out for a full THREE HOURS while you seriously consider just driving to the local 24 hr shop to buy the milk that will just.shut.her.up. (But don't actually do it - because that would be c.r.a.z.y.)

Yes, we still give Maddie a bottle when she asks for it when she wakes up in the middle of the night. Yes, we realize how ridiculous this is for a 2.5 year old.

But in fairness - we have been discussing (for about a year now) just how to stop this. And due to the fact that she is so against drinking milk during the day (remember? I've whined about this a few times I'm sure), it's always been easy to rationalize giving it to her before bed and at night time.

So last night - well, I guess that was just fate stepping in and forcing us to play the tough love card. Because there was no way in hell we were driving to the local convenience store to buy milk at midnight. Not that we wanted her to cry - but really? At some point you just have to say no - and I get it - and we've sucked as parents - and taken the easy road until now - especially as she only wakes up like 2 or 3 times a month for milk, it's not an every night thing. So it was always easy to just do it "one more time" every time.

For the record? We are idiots. So all you experienced moms that are silently rolling your eyes at our weakness right now? We KNOW, okay? We totally should have stopped this habit ages ago. 

Because a tired, demanding, irrational 2.5 year old is a far cry different from a 1.5 year old. At least from what I can remember. 

Let's just say, there was a lot of crying last night. And yelling. And screaming. And hitting. And temper-tantruming. A good 3 hours worth, in fact.

But in the end, after a book (reading Cinderella TWO TIMES IN A ROW at 2am? a.w.e.s.o.m.e.) and a few sips of juice (don't judge don't judge don't judge - it was all part of the hostage negotiations - sweet, blessed sleep, being the hostage) - we got the little monster back to bed and content with going back to sleep.

She then continued to play with her dolls in her crib for another 1/2 hour or so. Reenacting essentially the entire milk drama-rama of the past few hours. With "Dora-baby" playing the roll of the milk-demanding child and Maddie playing the Mommy trying to reason with her that "there's just no milk right now - we're all out - it's allllllllll done!"". 

It was all a bit surreal. Until I turned the monitor off...

xxoo.S

Potty Training Guide... erm... Guide on How to Abandon Potty Training

Abandon hope, all ye who enter here...

I'm pretty sure that should be the opening line of any potty training "manual" (imagine me speaking this with aggressive air quotes). Because "3 Day Potty Training Solution" - can suck it. That means you too, "One Day Guide to Potty Training".

Since we had a full week off with Maddie between Christmas festivities and back to daycare/work January 4th, we figured it was high-time to start the official attempt at potty training.

This included prep work of:

• reading a lot about potty training, with and without Maddie
• including her on the trip to Walmart to buy "big girl underwear"
• talking and prepping and generally hyping-up the whole "you're gonna be a big girl, potty time woot to the woot!"
• buying an superfluous potty (as we already had 2) that was specifically DORA-themed 
• stocking up on ice cream treats, m&m's, and stickers/potty training charts

Anyone who knows me, knows I'm just a bit too Type A to go into battle without researching my enemy. The research was done. The groundwork was laid. The Daycare Provider was conferred with, and in agreement that It.Was.Time.

So we went whole hog. No pull ups (oh I had plenty on hand, but not for "training" purposes - more for when we went out somewhere) - just underwear between the pee and my carpets.

The first few days were hit and miss. Like maybe a 50% hit rate. As long as I was asking, coaxing, encouraging, doing-nothing-but-watching-her-like-a-hawk-the-entire-time, we were able to pee pee on the potty. She got it immediately. You sit on the potty and you squirt a bit. Sometimes a lot. Sometimes not much at all, but enough to warrant the demand of a "Dib - the ice cream treat".

And then maybe I relaxed. Or got a bit tired of the constant watching/monitoring/asking/coaxing. I tried to explain/encourage/bribe her that she needed to tell me BEFORE she went pee. That when she needed to pee, she needed to go on the potty, not tell me AFTER she had already started peeing.

This went on for more than a few days until I started to get frustrated. Like how many times do I need to ask you if you need to go on the potty, before you'll put the sensation and the need to tell me ahead of time together? Because this is totally the LAST TIME I'm washing all the pads/straps on your highchair...

By the time Jan 4th came around, we had hit a milestone - she was starting to poop in the potty. That was almost a 100% hit rate. She wouldn't necessarily tell us - she'd just head to the potty and sit and sit and sit and sit. Finally I figured out, oh - she's working on a Number 2. So that's awesome (and also not just a little bit gross to clean up out of a potty chair, for the record). I figured - well, if she's got this, then pee isn't far behind.

Except it still was. Our daycare provider was all over the no pull-ups, just underwear, style of training we were trying. So that's awesome. Except it wasn't for her either because Maddie still wasn't able to "tell" when she had to go.

She would go - no hesitation, if you asked her to come and sit on the potty. So it wasn't a fear thing. Just a body-function-not-triggering-her-thought-process thing.

So after another week of no real progress, I reverted. To pull-ups. I figured this would still give us the opportunity to work on the "pull up, pull down" easier access to potty training, but without the mess. Except pull-ups are an easy way for you (as the parent) to get lazy about potty training too. So while there was no mess, there was really no progress being made at all.

I'm not a quitter and I hated the thought of putting all the progress we had made on the shelf and just abandoning the entire endeavor. So I researched more. And read more. And chatted and discussed and asked for opinions from pretty much any mom-type-person I came across.

It all came to pretty much the same conclusion - if she's not ready (and she was mentally, but perhaps not physically), there's no point in continuing. Because we could just frustrate her, we would (definitely) get frustrated and it could turn into a far harder process than it should be.

So we quit. For now. Good thing diapers are on sale this week. I bought another 2 boxes. Hoping that perhaps this would be the last... I guess we'll try again in a few weeks.

What's really ironic, is that I'm not frustrated with her at all. She's still young, perhaps just that little bit too young to really "get" it yet. But I'm frustrated with myself - is it weird that as a mom, you feel like potty training could be "your" failure, not your kids? Like, I could have been more on top of it. Perhaps if I pushed a little harder, or if I had watched more closely, or not been so quick to move to pull-ups, then we would have been further along?

Ah - the guilt of motherhood. How I've missed you these past few months... welcome back.

xxoo.S

Time to wean

It's time. I've faced the fact. We need to cut out the night-time bottle.  I am terrified of this because...

• This is really her primary source of milk. All other milk from a sippy gets, well, sipped on, for 2.8 seconds and then thrown on the floor.
• It's been a part of her bedtime routine forever - as in, this was the first (and only bottle) we were able to introduce, and she associates the bottle with bed.
• When she wakes up in the middle of the night (oh yes, she still does this - awesome, non?), it's the ONLY thing she wants and will soothe her.

The reason I am actually contemplating this upheavel in our lives?  Here's a snippet of my Saturday night (early Sunday morning):

MissM (over the monitor at an ear-crashing shout of volume): MOMMY!  MILK!  MADDIE WANT MILK!  MOMMY! MOMMY! MILK. MADDIE. PLEASE!

Me: w.t.f? roll over and think perhaps I can just ignore this away

MissM: MOMMY? MILK. MADDIE MILK. MOMMMMMMMMMMMMMYYYYYYYY...

Me: blearily look at clock. 4:effing16 in the morning. Superawesome. Go into her room and attempt to reason (with a toddler - I know - demented...): Dude - it's still night night time. How are you so awake? Go back to sleep. Night night.

MissM: Milk mommy. Maddie milk NOW.

Me: No, you don't need milk right now. You can have some in the morning. Just go back to sleep. Night night bugaloo.

MissM: instant and v. loud meltdown

Me: What the hell... I go, warm up a  bottle and bring it back up. And then I take her out of the crib and hold it for her.

It's those last 5 words that I want you to pay the most attention to.  That's right.  She won't hold her own bottle.  Well, that's not true. She will. For 1.3 seconds. Then it will fall and she'll look at me like, WTH is your prob lady?

So yeah. The wakeups are annoying enough. The having to sit for 10 mins while she drinks her bottle and then force my insomniac ass back to sleep? So not cool anymore. Because as sweet and loving as it could be - it's just.not.anymore.

But aside from going cold turkey (which I expect y'all will tell me to do), how else do you get rid of the bedtime bottle?

xxoo.S

Juice monster

I think this would be top in the list of "if I could go back and do it differently". (The nice thing is that list is short, so far, which must mean we're doing something right...)

At a young age, Maddie started getting juice offered. As I was the paranoid-obsessed breast-feeding mom (I was so afraid I'd lose my supply or she wouldn't get the right nutrients, I would breastfeed after every "meal" of solids she got), I hated the thought of her drinking anything else for the first 6 months. Then six months hit, we started on solids and the Grandmas kept bugging me that juice would be fine as well. And so we did start on the juice pretty early. As in - she was drinking and asking for more - well before her 1st birthday.

And now? She refuses to drink anything but juice, all day long. Sometimes I can get her to drink some milk (read: an ounce or two) with her meal, but if you offer her milk any other time (unless it's bedtime bottle), she'll throw it right back at you. And forget water - it's like an insult.

Instead, we get the whine, and the (fake) cry, and the eventual angry scream for more JUIIIIIICE!

And most times? We give in. Because you know, we're apparently lazy like that.

But after our last doctor's appointment, where I was asked her general intake of milk and I had to reply - about 10 ounces. Well I vowed to make some changes. And that was about 2 weeks ago, so best I start to do it, right?

I've determined that I can (sometimes) get her to drink water out of a different style sippy - the Rubbermaid juice boxes - more like a straw cup than a sippy. Whatever - if it works then I figure it's fine.

But what do you do when she's whining for juice and nothing else will work? I don't know. Aside from retrospectively wishing I just offered her water as a drink alternative (especially as she eats so much fruit, we don't have to use juice as a vitamin component to her diet), I can't really think of a good idea.

Do we just go cold turkey, limit her to one sippy of juice per day and offer water or milk the rest of the time? Listen to the screams and be the evil juice-withholding parents of her worst nightmares?

Or do we just say 'eff it. Fix it with the next kid and let her become a juice monster who's teeth rot out and etc etc etc...

Should be said - we always water down her juice by at least 50%, and she's never had yeast or diarrhea issues from the juice. These are really just my concerns, based on nothing. Guilt? Reading too many child-rearing advice columns that happened to talk about juice intake recently? Who knows.

Would love some advice though. Even if the advice is "shut up and don't worry about it"...

xxoo.S

Preferential treatment

Maddie loves her Daddy.

This is awesome, and I love watching the close, loving relationship they are developing.

But it makes me a little sad how she now refuses (REFUSES) to let me do or help or take part in half the things that he does.

Daddy does bathtime, Daddy does storytime, Daddy does playtime. Daddy does pretty much any and all fun things that Mommy used to do. 

I know (because I am an obsessive Googler) that this is just a stage, and that it happens all the time. One parent gets preferential treatment over the other. A few months ago, nothing Daddy did was right and it was Mommy she cried for. And now it's his turn.

And that's cool, right?

It is. I swear - I'm happy with it. But without sounding like a child myself, I do feel a teeny-tiny, little itsy bit of jealousy (just a smidge, I swear!).

Maybe because it was 18 months of her crying for me. That Mommy was always the best one to chase away the tears. I got used to it. I was the one that slept with the monitor on my side of the bed. I was the one that jumped up to her cries. Iwas the one the learned to cook with a baby on my hip. I was the one who became a pro laundrer with a toddler wrapped around my ankles.

She did everything with me and I did everything with her - and as slow and difficult that made things, I figured it out.

And now (again - disclaimer - I don't want to sound like a child, but I do want to be honest) it feels a bit, I don't know... rejecting... when she could give a care if I was in the room or not.

I still do the wake ups and the daycare pick ups and the etc etc etc. But the minute Daddy walks through the door, the sun rises, or sets. Or whatever that analogy is...

Wow, I really do sound a bit like a petulant child. Huh... 

I guess you figure it out as you go along, and I could be all big and act like I don't care - but the truth is. It hurts. A little bit.

But do I envy and admire the little Daddy's Girl my Miss Button is becoming? 

And do I chuckle a little to myself every day as I see just how wrapped around her pudgy little finger she can make her Daddy?

Abso-flippin'-lutely.

xxoo.S

World's Worst Parents

A bit dramatic, but I'm still mortified about this...

And because who DOESN'T want to memorialize mortifying parenting moments, let's just post it here, shall we?

Tuesday afternoon - I'm still at work, at the office, downtown Toronto.  It's 5:27pm.  There is no way I am leaving for at least another hour.  So I call the hubby to let him know I won't be home in time for dinner - go ahead and eat without me.

Because he's doing the pick up, right?

"Ummm - I'm at Martin Grove (that's Etobicoke hood for you non-GTA-ers - REALLY far away from where we live).  Where are you?" he asks.

My answer was a whole lot of @$%#&* because I realized in that split second that it took him to utter those words, we were both really, really, REALLY far away from our daughter, in daycare, in Brooklin.

So yeah, we screwed up.  He thought I was doing the pickup.  I thought he was.  Maddie's sitting at daycare (in my guilty imagination), lonely and wondering where her deadbeat parents are.

It's now 5:33pm.  We're already 3 minutes late.

"You need to FIGURE THIS OUT." and I hang up.  Because you know, I'm calm, cool and collected like that.

As I'm calling the daycare to out myself as possibly the worst parent on the planet...and throw myself at their feet to beg their forgiveness...Hubby calls me back.  

"BFF is going to do the pick up.  Maddie can fit in their infant car seat for the ride home."

Side note: this actually wasn't as illegal it sounds - she's REALLY tiny, and they have one of those massive infant seats that is made for Swedish people (haha - that's my own private joke, as Ikea makes some oversized furniture and I always think it must be because Swedes are larger... and not so funny as I type it out...).

So I call the daycare and let them know the plans.  And still beg their forgiveness.  In case they want to judge me.  Or think badly of me.  Or just wonder what kind of airhead parents we are, anyways, that we forget our kid at daycare.

Maddie was home and happy and all was safe and sound within 15 minutes.

Thanks BFF!  And um, sorry Maddie.  We won't forget you again...

xxoo.S

So over it

Teething.  I'm done.  It's kicked my ass since she was 3 months old.  

For the past 15 months, it's been a pile of bibs, drool, cold washcloths, teethers, hard plastic nig-nobs, frozen pieces of fruit, random pieces of metal (like my keys), small electronic devices (like my phone), teething tabs, baby tylenol and diaper rashes.

And the temper.  Oh the temper.

She has no tolerance for pain, clearly.  Or these are the sharpest, hardest, most painful teeth any human has ever had to endure.

On the days (weeks) that she's hardcore teething, we deal with a kid who's whiny. Who doesn't sleep. Who hates every and all food set in front of her. Who can't imagine the injustice of not having her binky in her mouth. AT. ALL. TIMES. 

And I have I mentioned the temper?

Hubby is going away for a fishing weekend, and with work being what it is right now, and this teething stage... they'll both be lucky if I don't run away and join the circus by Sunday...

xxoo.S

The daily face we see at mealtime...

Bang-tastic! Or bang-butchery...

I have followed in the age-old rite of passage for all moms. Butchering their child's hair in an effort to "trim her bangs".

Something I always promised myself I would never do.

*sigh*

I guess Maddie can just add that to the list of disappointments when she's 14 and telling me all the reasons I am a terrible, horrible, mother.

On the positive side of things - she now looks like an extra in the Lil Rascals with her toothless grin and scraggly hair. Undeniably cute!


xxoo.S

Daycare drama

It's been a whirlwind week, both Seth and I being busy with insane work schedules (as always it seems - what happened to my supposed 20-30hr work week?).  Add to that the stress of ending daycare with our current provider, and gearing up to starting with a new provider (Alexise, our current provider, is going on maternity leave) next week.

Except, now we're not.  

So here's the story... 

We had been interviewing frantically starting in December, trying to line up a new daycare provider before Alexise went on mat leave.  We found a provider that seemed okay, and she was the same price as what we were currently paying for 4 days.  So, bonus, right?

Except I never really felt all that comfortable with this new provider.  Why was she so much cheaper than all the other daycares we had called?  And why didn't her children, that were home with her, integrate with the other kids in the daycare (they stayed upstairs all day apparently)?  And why didn't she have any paint or pictures on her walls?  (yes, I realize I'm a weirdo - but it made the "home" seem really sterile.  Like "just-moved-in" sterile).

But her hours worked, and like I said - there wasn't anything "technically" wrong with her.  So we sent her an email and said we were signing on, and that we'd like to start Jan 26th.

And then Christmas came and went.  And January started flying by.  And the closer we got to the 26th, the more I started to stress about this new daycare.  Until I finally just started combing through any new ads that had been posted, and calling those daycares.

Then, Thursday of this past week, I interviewed a lady.  Who. Was. Fantastic.  She teaches sign language (meaning, she'll continue our efforts - awesome!).  She has 4 other little ones in her care, a bunch of pre-school and after-school kids.  Her home is set up like a "daycare".  And she was just warm.  Nice and friendly.  Business-like, but clearly loved kids.  And asked to hold Maddie (do you know how often providers DON'T do this when you're interviewing?  Seems so odd to me)...

And of course, she's FAR more expensive than what we're currently (or were planning on) paying.  Of course she is.

And of course she needed an answer from us by Friday, because she had someone else lined up for the spot, but because we could start right away, she'd be willing to go with us.  

So on Friday, during the busiest of all days this work week, I also had to sort this out in my (our) mind.  Which did we go with?  Was I being unreasonable and weird with my "instinct" choice?  But did we really want to make our decision on daycare based on $$$?

In the end, we went with the fantastic provider.  Maddie starts on Feb 2nd.  I emailed the other provider and apologized profusely about cancelling at such short notice (don't feel that bad for her - she still had her ad posted, which was another weirdo thing to me). 

And now she's back with Alexise for one more week.  Haha.  I expect everyone thinks I am a neurotic crazy mom.

Good thing I know that I was neurotic and crazy before ever becoming a mom - so really, nothings changed for me...

xxoo.S