Wednesday, March 25, 2009


I've been feeling super-sentimental lately, and I don't know what's bringing it all on (no, Grandmamas - I'm NOT pregnant, so quit getting excited). Is it that all of a sudden our little bean is no longer a baby anymore? That's she's a chatty, busy little toddler? A whole entire other person with opinions and personality and did I mention, opinions?

Or is the whole, "should we have another kid? If yes, when? If no, why not?" discussion starting to leak out of my head and more into my heart. Making me pine for the baby-moments again. I caught myself watching home videos of Maddie the other day and wishing I could go back to those early days of motherhood. When we weren't rushed all the time. When a busy day was filled with me getting to the grocery store AND getting some laundry done. It was only a year ago, but feels like decades to me - when things were much slower and far less stressful.

Maybe it's because I realize that regardless of whether we have another little one or not, I'll never have those days again. The "sleep when they sleep", cuddle on the couch and watch tv at 4am, knowing you can just make up the sleep later in the day. Because (from what I've heard), two kids are infinitely harder than just one. There would be no sleeping during the day whenever the baby sleeps, as a little Miss Button would be running around all over the place. And what about those "difficult" days? How do you keep your sanity with a grumpy toddler and a screaming baby? I seriously doubt my ability in keeping it together during such a time.

Oh I know I know, the benefits way outweigh the costs... but it just seems so hard, you know?

But then begs the question - how do you know when you should have another? I know there's no magical time for age distance. There's pros and cons... less than 2 years means you (likely) have to worry about two in diapers, but they will be close playmates, around 2.5 years means you (likely) only have to worry about diapers for the baby, but have to deal with a older child that doesn't nap so when the hell do you rest? And >3 years, will they even like each other, much less be close?

It really was so much easier when we were sure that we were just going to have one...



Anonymous said...

Having two kids can be a challenge, there's no doubt. But you adjust and adapt, just like you did when you had Maddie.

I found a lot of things easier -- I was far less stressed out about being a mom the second time around, because I knew I knew what I was doing, if that makes any sense. I didn't have the same self-doubts with Liam as I did with Caitlyn.

Things that are harder are making sure both kids get a fair share of your time, especially the older one. Dealing with temper tantrums and misbehaviour as your first learns that they are no longer the centre of the universe. Getting into a routine that works for everyone. And if you think you're busy now...!

But it's amazing to see the differences between the kids. It should go without saying that of course they won't be carbon copies of each other, but it doesn't hit home until you see the physical differences, the personality differences, etc. And then you start to could two so very different people have the same parents??

If I had to do it over again, I might have had Liam a little earlier or a little later, just so Caitlyn didn't have quite so much happening in such a short time (new baby brother, starting school -- both huge adjustments). But we all survived, so I guess we're doing something right :)

debbie v said...

Too far apart in my opnion is not good I have heard as (I have not experienced) they do not play together when young and when they are older they do not hangout together. Cunundrum for sure!!! LOL Having them close is work to be sure but they are in school and grow to fast as it is enjoy the challenge.
I am not scouting for another granddchild seriously!! just trying to give some adivce from someone who wished she had, had two for Seth's sake. Not her own.
And from some others who had two way to far apart for them to be buds growing up.
love grammie

Vone said...

The 2 1/2 span between my girls seems to work for us. Lilo was still in diapers but it wasn't too hard to deal with. The one thing with 2 is that you don't do all those baby things that you did with the 1st - no baby groups, mommy and me time but I actually find that Isla is learning things faster than Lilo did - because of Lilo. And the other great thing is that they like playing with each other. There's no perfect age difference but this seems to work for us. If you ask my mom, she thinks the 6 years between my brother and I was good.

Vone said...

Oh and I have to agree with Debbie - my brother and I were not close at all, but we did our own thing, not necessarly a bad thing. But my friends with the same age difference between her and her sister were and still are very close. I think it all depends on the kids.
On the plus side you will have a babysitter sooner for your 2nd.

Vone said...
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Deb said...

I thought the 25 months between my two would be hell for awhile, but it's worked out pretty good. Now, they love playing with each other and Alex just wants to do everything Austin does. And it was easier at the beginning than I thought it would be, because Austin wasn't old enough to be jealous of the new baby (he was just 2 when she was born) so he accepted her right away. I've heard when there's too big an age gap, the older one can have jealousy issues.

Napping when the baby naps etc, I solved by keeping Austin in daycare full-time for the first few months until the hardest part was over. But I didn't find the hardest part as hard this time because I was more comfortable and more sure of myself. With every stage, Alex is much easier -- because I'm more sure of myself. Austin is still the one breaking new ground for me.

Having two in diapers didn't bother me either -- the cost just got absorbed as part of the cost of raising kids.

There's no magical age difference that works best. You have to do what's right for you.