Or is the whole, "should we have another kid? If yes, when? If no, why not?" discussion starting to leak out of my head and more into my heart. Making me pine for the baby-moments again. I caught myself watching home videos of Maddie the other day and wishing I could go back to those early days of motherhood. When we weren't rushed all the time. When a busy day was filled with me getting to the grocery store AND getting some laundry done. It was only a year ago, but feels like decades to me - when things were much slower and far less stressful.
Maybe it's because I realize that regardless of whether we have another little one or not, I'll never have those days again. The "sleep when they sleep", cuddle on the couch and watch tv at 4am, knowing you can just make up the sleep later in the day. Because (from what I've heard), two kids are infinitely harder than just one. There would be no sleeping during the day whenever the baby sleeps, as a little Miss Button would be running around all over the place. And what about those "difficult" days? How do you keep your sanity with a grumpy toddler and a screaming baby? I seriously doubt my ability in keeping it together during such a time.
Oh I know I know, the benefits way outweigh the costs... but it just seems so hard, you know?
But then begs the question - how do you know when you should have another? I know there's no magical time for age distance. There's pros and cons... less than 2 years means you (likely) have to worry about two in diapers, but they will be close playmates, around 2.5 years means you (likely) only have to worry about diapers for the baby, but have to deal with a older child that doesn't nap so when the hell do you rest? And >3 years, will they even like each other, much less be close?
It really was so much easier when we were sure that we were just going to have one...