Because apparently I like to cause neighbour wars...

Oooooooooh I've been dying to post about this! But it's been one of those weeks where hubs is away (no, not on a fancy business trip, but more a golf-with-an-old-buddy-and-party-like-he's-24-again-trip). Where I get a taste of single-parenthood and spend any precious minute of time to myself not blogging, but instead texting him to remind him just how awesome of a wifey I really am...

"Monster #1 required six, that's SIX, books before bedtime tonight."

"Monster #2 will. not. stop. crying. Also? I so hate you right now. Hope you bogey'd that last hole!"

"Have I mentioned lately that: You. Owe. Me. Bigtime. No? Well, consider this your reminder."

Yes, I love to play grinch to any of the good-time vibes he's been experiencing. It's a way of joining in the fun really...

ANYWAYS... onto the exciting news. I finally got a chance speak to (read: confront) my neighbour about her repeated lawn cutting transgressions! Let's set up for you, shall we?

It's Monday night, Hubs is in Maddie's room doing the "one last book" dance while I pace around our bedroom with Katie, the whining bear. During my pacing I look out our front window. And see that neighbour, mowing her front lawn! This is exciting because a) I haven't really seen her AT ALL in the past month + a bit and b) I'm actually going to be able to watch and see if she's going to try and give my lawn a Brazilian again...

Now, if you happen to be friends with me on Facebook (hi Facebook!), you'll know that I got A LOT of advice on my last post about this, to "turn the other cheek" instead of saying something, because I would only be starting a neighbour war, it wasn't worth it, it's just a little piece of lawn that she keeps cutting, it will make things uncomfortable forever etc etc etc... And while I DID take this advice for a while - well, facing facts, it's just not in my nature to ignore it - and so...

As Hubs comes out of Maddie's room I beckoned him, "She's cutting her lawn - let's watch and see if she's going to try and cut ours too!"

His response, a droll, "Yes, you're very undercover here with all the lights on, standing at an open window, shouting about her cutting the lawn."

My response? "Shut up and let's watch."

It didn't take long. In fact as I was saying those words, she puttered the lawn-mower over the driveway towards our little strip of lawn...

I think my heart jumped out of my chest. It was time. Time to STRIKE.

Practically throwing the baby at Hubs, I raced downstairs, shouting the whole time, "She's not cutting my effing lawn again!"

In fairness, I did reign it in for a minute to turn back and ask Hubs if he was on board with me going outside and saying something.

He wasn't.

I took that into consideration. 

Then I grabbed my keys for my car (this being my "excuse" for just happening to wander outside at that very moment).

I beeped my car locks as I came down the steps, which caused her to hurry back over the driveway to her lawn with the mower. Grabbing some empty grocery bags from the trunk of the car (yes, my "excuse" for coming outside just at that moment apparently involved me needing a shitload of reuseable grocery bags inside my house for the night... erm? what?), I smiled at the neighbour and gave a cheery "Hi [insert her name here]! How's it going?"

As she smiled back in response (with a look on her face that read TOTALLY. BUSTED.) I strolled over, ever so casually, to the little strip of lawn between our two driveways. The little strip of lawn particularly in question of this whole drama.

And then, mustering up all my gumption to actually not chicken out, I took a deep breath and said, "Hey, noticed you cutting this part of our lawn. Actually if you don't mind not cutting it, that would be great. We're trying to let it grow and get as healthy as we can get it." Insert mega shoulder shrugs and eye rolls here, as if, I realize it's never going to get healthy, it's a shitastic part of the lawn, but what-can-you-do, it's all the Husband's fault, you know? I'm just the messenger. Ah-ha-ha-ha.... I'm breeeeeezy*...

She smirked in response. And then with an expression I can't really describe as I still don't really know how to read it: part eye-roll (in response to mine? because she sees through my breeziness and hates me now? because she has no hope that our lawn will ever be healthy? because she just thinks I'm a total douchebag full stop?) and part half-laugh (nervous laughter? laughing at my audacity to actually call her out on her douchebaggery? laughing at my poor decrepit lawn???), and then she said, "Okay, sure."

I smiled and tried to be all friendly like - coolio, thanks dudette. I bid her goodnight and practically skipped inside. Where I attempted to give the Hubs a big high five and a victory hug and ended up just jumping around like a schoolgirl, feeling so relieved that I FINALLY SAID SOMETHING.

You know how boys in highschool have a beef, they get all riled up, then at a party on the weekend, finally say something to one another, get into the fisticuffs and then everything is all good again? Like, no hard feelings, let's go share a beer?

That's totally how I felt. A huge weight lifted from my shoulders. All animosity about the whole situation is gone - left entirely. I can finally be all chatty and neighbourly again. 

I'm not entirely certain she feels the same way though.

As I jumped around all self-congratulatory, I said to Hubs, "Aren't you so glad that's over? Aren't you glad I said something."

His response? Laughing + "No, not really. But I'm glad you're glad."

I expect a lot of you out there won't necessarily agree with me on this. But I had to say something. My outlook on it was like this, it was pissing me off. She had no idea it was pissing me off. So I nicely (really nicely I think) asked her not to do it anymore. Now she knows that we would prefer she didn't do it. Slate is wiped clean and we're on even ground again. And if she does it again?

Well, then I'll egg her effing house.

xxoo.S

*Gold Star to anyone who got this little reference to that Friends episode where Monika leaves the so-not-breezy voicemail for Richard and ends "I'm breezy!". One of my more repeated lines of all time. That and Pretty Woman's "These are broken. Mine are broken." Yes, I'm a weirdo.

Why I'm a bit crusty today...

• She cut my lawn again. Yesterday. For the record? This time our lawn was actually shorter than hers - as we had recently cut it... so no, this is not a "they are sad pathetic lawn-keeper-uppers" and more "I'm a crazy neighbour that needs this particular patch of grass to match my lawn perfectly". And while I've spent the past 2 times turning the other cheek as so many of my good and wise fb friends suggested, this time? It will be discussed. The very next time I stalk see her.
• Maddie has taken to waking up and PLAYING in the very wee hours of the night. Why? I have no 'effing idea. And while Hubs is officially in charge of the monitor for Maddie's room, he has this one small fault: he could sleep through a tornado funnel being balanced on his nose. So the wee-hour parenting seems to fall to me a bit more.
• Last night was the 2nd night I spent (attempting to) get back to sleeping in my own bed. For the past five weeks I've either shared my bed with Katie while Hubs sleeps on the couch, or I've bunked out on the daybed in her room. Guess what I forgot? How incredibly much (and loudly) the Hubs snores. It's like sleeping next to a clunky 1930's freight train. Front, back, side -- he's perfected the art of snoring in any position. Suggestions as to actual tried-and-true remedies would be MOST appreciated!

Reason why I'm not taking today's crustiness out on my 5 week old?

• She's only a baby and of course doesn't deserve it.
• She's cute and adorable and even her poop smells sweet.
• She's started to smile at me more and more and more these days, and fuck me, those gummy smiles melt my heart.
• She slept like an 'EFFING CHAMPION all on her own, in her own crib, last night: 9-1am, then 1:15am-4:30am. Note this is particularly during the periods that I was mostly awake due to the 2 other ingrates I live with...
• When I gave up and decided to bunk in with her during the 4:30am feeding, she snuggled into me, belly to belly, and gave the happiest, most adorable, little snuffle-sigh as she latched on. And that? THAT is why I enjoy co-sleeping. That, and she doesn't snore.

xxoo.S

Making friends

Our neighbours (no, not them) have three children - ages 1, 4 and 7 (ish - I think)... the middle child is the only girl and is probably one of the most adorable, patient little girls I have ever met.

Reason for me raving over her?

She is Maddie's new B.F.F. And any kid that is lovely and patient and kind to my Miss Madds is a fabulous little person in my books.

But what's been even more heart-warming has been watching this little friendship develop. Just a few months ago they barely noticed each other. Well, that's not quite true, this little girl has been quite interested in Maddie for a while, but Madds has been shy, still very toddler-esque, not really noticing that hey, kids live next door. Kids that she could play with. Kids that could be fun!

And then the other day she ran over and introduced herself and that.was.it. Now if said little girl is outside, I watch Maddie practically hum with excitement. Seriously, she is enamoured with this little girl.

Mind you, she's still 1.5 years younger - which maybe makes the adorableness of their friendship so cute to me. Because essentially Maddie just mimicks, follows and repeats whatever her friend is doing. Hence my gratitude to the patience and kindness of this little girl - because even just being 4 years old she gets it. She gets that Maddie is younger, but still wants to hang out with her. And she gets that perhaps Maddie isn't as sophisticated in her mental capacity or physical prowess, so the little girl just tailors their activities to suit Maddie.

Maybe it's me being pg-hormonal. Maybe it's that I was such a socially awkward little kid (and still am - good lord, but I hate making small talk). But watching another child act so benevolent with their friendship, to watch two children that really are at two very different developmental stages, strike up such a lovely, fun, playful friendship?

It's effing adorable.

And watching Maddie so full of confidence, so without reserve, so open and friendly and so essentially, unlike me, as a child?

Well, that makes me feel like we're doing a pretty good job at this parenting gig,

xxoo.S

My conundrum

Another neighbour conundrum for you. Same neighbours in fact. Shocking, I know...

So here's the set up:

Our neighbourhood is in love with their lawns. About 80% tend, fertilize, weed and seed on a regular basis. Makes for a lovely looking street, unless you're part of the 20% that have weeds growing, well, like weeds, at the end of your lawn.

Hi! That's us!

And it's not really just the competitive bitch in me that hates the state of my lawn (although knowing that my lawn does not look like Mr. Fantastico's up the street does annoy me every time Maddie and I walk to the park)... I truly don't like weeds, and do truly care about the state of my lawn. Maybe because I haven't had a lawn in so long to call my own? So, before I get into it, let's not question the sanity of being obsessed with a dark green, lush, weedless lawn - it is what it is, and being questioned on why I even want it, is not going to help the story...

So ... last year we paid a service to do things to our lawn. Like fertilize, and aerate and seed. They were... expensive. And they were... not great. As in, didn't come unless I called to harass them. Spread seed so haphazardly that I'm still (this year) picking grass out of my gardens. Needless to say, we decided that we'd take care of it ourselves for a year and see if we could do better.

We bought weed & feed. We bought on-sale black earth, peat moss and sand - Hubs mixed up his own top soil and seeded the living hell out of the lawn. And we weeded. Oh, we weeded. Using the fancy stand up, take a thousand pounds of turf with your weeds $50 weeder. On my hands and knees using my old hand-shaped-like-a-screwdriver weeder.

We put a lot of hours into (attempting to) making our front lawn healthy again. And after doing all this work, it didn't rain for 2 weeks. Which meant we had to water, and water, and water, and-water-and-water-and-water-and-water. And let the grass grow. Give the seedlings time to take hold, get their grip on the new soil and grow a bit.

Which means we didn't cut our lawn for a few weeks.

Yes, seems like a long time - but really, until we got some rain just last week, it wasn't all that forest-y.

But yes, after the weekend, our grass was crazy. Long and wild. Needing a good haircut. Kind of like Maddie (until yesterday).

You know where this is going, right?

So, picture your typical 'burbs set up... We have a driveway. To the left of the driveway is our front lawn, house, walkway, front step etc. And to the right of our driveway we have a 2 foot-wide strip of lawn that goes up to our backyard gate. And on the other side of this narrow strip of lawn is our neighbour's driveway.

Yes, THAT neighbour.

Again, may I reiterate... we were in perfect knowledge that our lawn needed cutting. Well, to be fair. IIIIII was in perfect knowledge of it. I think the Hubs was using the "we need to let the grass take root" excuse out of mowing the lawn a little far... and when I nagged him on Sunday about doing it he made some kind of mumbled promise that he would take care of it this week.

And you know what? I'm 9 months pregnant. I'm NOT mowing the lawn. This "chore" falls clearly into the Hub's camp of responsibility. Always has. Always will (with a few exceptions of when I thought I'd try my hand at mowing. Guess what? Mowing the lawn is not as fun as it looks. 'Effing shocker.)

So boop-boop-sha-loop, Maddie and I take off on a morning full of errands yesterday morning, and what do we come home to?

A freshly mowed small strip of grass between our driveway and our neighbour's driveway. It was mowed within an inch of it's life (because they have healthy grass/turf/whatever, you see - so they can mow it down to the lowest level and it lives just fine - crappy grass? Ain't like that.). The lawn below the sidewalk and all the way up to just where our driveway starts.

Essentially, the part of the lawn that you'd notice while walking or driving by.

Just to be clear. It's not like she did us the "favour" of mowing the entire strip of lawn on that side of the house. She didn't mow all the way back to our back gate (which you can't really see from the road). NO. Just the VIEWABLE portion. That is also attached to her driveway. BUT IS NOT HER LAWN.

Get where I'm going here?

Enter pregnancy-hormone-induced-RAGE. Coupled with MORTIFICATION that my lawn was so clearly such an embarrasment to her, that she felt that it was in her best interest...nay...The Neighbourhood's best interest that it get cut.

Mortification - coupled with rage? Not a great emotion to wear for the rest of the day.

And I know it's really not a big deal. Something I should just laugh off, because, really? Dude? Who cares that much about their neighbour's lawn? And who has the balls to do this? To actually cut someone else's lawn?

And I want to laugh it off. Truly I do. I want to be the "bigger person" and "find the humour" in the situation and "scoff at the ridiculousness" of it all.

Except I can't. I envision myself going over and picking out some of her stupid pink petunias and seeing just what her reaction would be. And I would respond, "Oh, I just thought I was helping. Making it look better. At least, in my humble opinion of how a garden should look."

And (luckily for her) I haven't seen her as of yet. And yes, I know that it was her, and not him - because I've never seen her douchebag of a husband shovel the driveway OR mow the lawn. I'm not sure he does much of anything outside, except sit in his car and smoke and throw his butts on our lawn.

But when I DO see her? Ohhhh, I'm saying something. At least I'm pretty sure I will. Because it's 24 hours later and I'm still pissy about it. Like raging-Hulk-slashed-with-humiliation-style-of-pissy. And I also don't think that it's something I SHOULDN'T address. Because shouldn't she be aware that indeed, that's not fucking okay to do?

Or am I crazy here? Do I need to reign it in? It's entirely possible that these are pg-hormones and not rationality reacting. But I'm pretty sure I'm right. And before you ask, is it worth it, causing neighbour-strife to be RIGHT?

Yes, yes it is. Because these neighbour's are clearly not coming over for tea anytime soon. I don't think if I burned this bridge, I'd be regretting it at all...

xxoo.S

Is it a proper crime ring?

When we bought our house the previous owners had just had interlock put in up the front steps and landscaping done all up the walkway. It is lovely and was very much a bonus when we were making our decision on whether to put in an offer. Part of the landscaping includes some hard-wired patio lights - larger than the "moonray" style lights you see a lot - these are lantern-looking, hanging on a mini shepherd's hook.

Anyhoo, my point being, they look lovely and I lurve them. And the fact that they are hardwired into an outlet in the garage on a timer (so they actually give off good light vs. those mini moonray types) is a bonus.

Two years ago when I was in Ireland with Maddie and the Hubs was also away on business at the same time - he came home to find one of these lights missing from our flowerbed, all the wiring and whatnot ripped up and just hanging out on our lawn.

We pinned it down to stupid kids - hooligan teenagers - whatever. It was annoying and took a few months to find an identical replacement, but that was it - we didn't really think much more of it.

And then last night it happened again. We were out for dinner at a friend's house and got home around 11pm. The house was dark (as we hadn't thought ahead and left any lights on - either outside or inside). So yes, it was quite clear no one was at home, even with my car parked in the drive.

As we're walking up the steps to the house, I notice - hey! TWO of our lights are missing.

Now - I usually park in the garage, but since we've been doing some furniture refinishing this week, the garage has been taken over and I've been parking out on the driveway. Which means, if these lights were missing last evening - when I was out as well - I would have easily noticed.

The lights were definitely pilfered last night. Sometime between 6:15pm and 11pm.

Nothing else was missing. My car, left wide-open (because I thought we lived in happy lovely suburbia), was not ransacked - they easily could have taken the car seat or new hiking carrier that was sitting wide open in the back seat.

Absolutely nothing else was taken. Just two of these walkway lights.

Say it with me... W. T. F.???

Are there hard up landscapers out there that troll neighbourhoods for good, quality, hardwired patio lighting? Or are these jealous DIY-ers that wish they had better walkway lighting?

To chalk it up to hooligan kids again would be easy - but just doesn't make any sense. Since both neighbours, on either side of us, use those solar-powered, stick-in-the-ground type of lighting, you'd figure they would have effed with their lights as well. Why go to the trouble of pulling up wires and ripping off large lights when you could (also) easily pull up some staked-lighting next door?

It's a mystery to me. And the main reason I now don't really think it's kids. Even though it's also hard to wrap my head around an actual ADULT doing this.

So what to do? Clearly, we've learned our lesson - we're leaving our lights on when we go out and don't anticipate being back before dark. At least to give some type of semblance that someone is home. And I'm now also toying with getting a motion light (since we already have the electrical hardwired into our landscaping, it shouldn't be hard to set up) - but I find those spotlights so obnoxious.

Do we even bother replacing the lights? Or just buy some cheapy moonrays to line the walkway? Clearly they aren't in demand amongst the landscaping crime-ring of the Boonies. But I liiiiiiike my lights. They're pretty. And on a timer. And did I mention how pretty they are?

Sadly, I'm actually going to call the cops and report this properly. Because I feel like once is a random occurence - twice is just weird enough that it makes me feel weird and I want to make sure I'm at least doing my part in whatever channels should be followed in this type of situation.

Strange, non? And also? People suck.

xxoo.S