Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Because apparently I like to cause neighbour wars...

Oooooooooh I've been dying to post about this! But it's been one of those weeks where hubs is away (no, not on a fancy business trip, but more a golf-with-an-old-buddy-and-party-like-he's-24-again-trip). Where I get a taste of single-parenthood and spend any precious minute of time to myself not blogging, but instead texting him to remind him just how awesome of a wifey I really am...
"Monster #1 required six, that's SIX, books before bedtime tonight."
"Monster #2 will. not. stop. crying. Also? I so hate you right now. Hope you bogey'd that last hole!"
"Have I mentioned lately that: You. Owe. Me. Bigtime. No? Well, consider this your reminder."
Yes, I love to play grinch to any of the good-time vibes he's been experiencing. It's a way of joining in the fun really...

ANYWAYS... onto the exciting news. I finally got a chance speak to (read: confront) my neighbour about her repeated lawn cutting transgressions! Let's set up for you, shall we?

It's Monday night, Hubs is in Maddie's room doing the "one last book" dance while I pace around our bedroom with Katie, the whining bear. During my pacing I look out our front window. And see that neighbour, mowing her front lawn! This is exciting because a) I haven't really seen her AT ALL in the past month + a bit and b) I'm actually going to be able to watch and see if she's going to try and give my lawn a Brazilian again...

Now, if you happen to be friends with me on Facebook (hi Facebook!), you'll know that I got A LOT of advice on my last post about this, to "turn the other cheek" instead of saying something, because I would only be starting a neighbour war, it wasn't worth it, it's just a little piece of lawn that she keeps cutting, it will make things uncomfortable forever etc etc etc... And while I DID take this advice for a while - well, facing facts, it's just not in my nature to ignore it - and so...

As Hubs comes out of Maddie's room I beckoned him, "She's cutting her lawn - let's watch and see if she's going to try and cut ours too!"

His response, a droll, "Yes, you're very undercover here with all the lights on, standing at an open window, shouting about her cutting the lawn."

My response? "Shut up and let's watch."

It didn't take long. In fact as I was saying those words, she puttered the lawn-mower over the driveway towards our little strip of lawn...

I think my heart jumped out of my chest. It was time. Time to STRIKE.

Practically throwing the baby at Hubs, I raced downstairs, shouting the whole time, "She's not cutting my effing lawn again!"

In fairness, I did reign it in for a minute to turn back and ask Hubs if he was on board with me going outside and saying something.

He wasn't.

I took that into consideration. 

Then I grabbed my keys for my car (this being my "excuse" for just happening to wander outside at that very moment).

I beeped my car locks as I came down the steps, which caused her to hurry back over the driveway to her lawn with the mower. Grabbing some empty grocery bags from the trunk of the car (yes, my "excuse" for coming outside just at that moment apparently involved me needing a shitload of reuseable grocery bags inside my house for the night... erm? what?), I smiled at the neighbour and gave a cheery "Hi [insert her name here]! How's it going?"

As she smiled back in response (with a look on her face that read TOTALLY. BUSTED.) I strolled over, ever so casually, to the little strip of lawn between our two driveways. The little strip of lawn particularly in question of this whole drama.

And then, mustering up all my gumption to actually not chicken out, I took a deep breath and said, "Hey, noticed you cutting this part of our lawn. Actually if you don't mind not cutting it, that would be great. We're trying to let it grow and get as healthy as we can get it." Insert mega shoulder shrugs and eye rolls here, as if, I realize it's never going to get healthy, it's a shitastic part of the lawn, but what-can-you-do, it's all the Husband's fault, you know? I'm just the messenger. Ah-ha-ha-ha.... I'm breeeeeezy*...

She smirked in response. And then with an expression I can't really describe as I still don't really know how to read it: part eye-roll (in response to mine? because she sees through my breeziness and hates me now? because she has no hope that our lawn will ever be healthy? because she just thinks I'm a total douchebag full stop?) and part half-laugh (nervous laughter? laughing at my audacity to actually call her out on her douchebaggery? laughing at my poor decrepit lawn???), and then she said, "Okay, sure."

I smiled and tried to be all friendly like - coolio, thanks dudette. I bid her goodnight and practically skipped inside. Where I attempted to give the Hubs a big high five and a victory hug and ended up just jumping around like a schoolgirl, feeling so relieved that I FINALLY SAID SOMETHING.

You know how boys in highschool have a beef, they get all riled up, then at a party on the weekend, finally say something to one another, get into the fisticuffs and then everything is all good again? Like, no hard feelings, let's go share a beer?

That's totally how I felt. A huge weight lifted from my shoulders. All animosity about the whole situation is gone - left entirely. I can finally be all chatty and neighbourly again. 

I'm not entirely certain she feels the same way though.

As I jumped around all self-congratulatory, I said to Hubs, "Aren't you so glad that's over? Aren't you glad I said something."

His response? Laughing + "No, not really. But I'm glad you're glad."

I expect a lot of you out there won't necessarily agree with me on this. But I had to say something. My outlook on it was like this, it was pissing me off. She had no idea it was pissing me off. So I nicely (really nicely I think) asked her not to do it anymore. Now she knows that we would prefer she didn't do it. Slate is wiped clean and we're on even ground again. And if she does it again?

Well, then I'll egg her effing house.


*Gold Star to anyone who got this little reference to that Friends episode where Monika leaves the so-not-breezy voicemail for Richard and ends "I'm breezy!". One of my more repeated lines of all time. That and Pretty Woman's "These are broken. Mine are broken." Yes, I'm a weirdo.

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