Sunday, May 30, 2010

Still my baby?

It's no secret that Miss M is a Daddy's Girl. The pure bliss-joy-excitement she gives him when he gets home from work I rarely get to experience (when it's me walking in the door), in fact, I'm usually lucky to get more than a cursory glance up. Which means I instead swoop down to her and hug and kiss her until she tells me "No more kissing Mommy!".

When Daddy isn't around, she asks where he is. When it's time to go to daycare she always begs for Daddy to do drop-off. And whenever I'm trying to get her to do something (crazy, mean torture things like get dressed or put on shoes) that she's stubbornly refusing to do, she immediately acquiesces upon Daddy's request to "please do what Mommy is asking you to do".

She definitely "pushes" me more than anyone in her little world. And don't worry, I know that it means she's feels most comfortable, feels most loved, feels least threatened by me. At least if the experts are to be believed... But it can still be mind-stunningly annoying and frustrating on some days that she can't just Give.Me.A.Break.

And none of this matters really, because at the end of the day, I'm the one she wants when things go wrong. When she's breaking down. When she's tired, or sad, or sick.

She's my "baby". My first-born. She's the reason I fell in love with motherhood and thought maybe (just maybe) I could do this again. Expand our family. Give her a sibling, a playmate, a partner in crime.

But a girlfriend of mine (who just had her 2nd a few days ago) said something that really resonated with me because it summed up the terrified feeling I've been trying to ignore for the past 8 months. She said, "I never realized how much it would affect me realizing he [her 3-yr-old son] wasn't the baby anymore."

And this isn't to take away from the excitement I'm feeling about Sproggy #2 - I can't wait for her to get here and join us. But that's not to say I'm not anticipating a bit of fall-out from #1. Will she resent the baby initially? Will it make her even MORE of a Daddy's girl and will she be angry with me? I know she will seem GIGANTIC in comparison to the new baby - but does this immediately rank her into "child / not baby" status for the rest of her life?

I don't know. I suspect not. I assume all children are always viewed as being their Mom's "baby" forever and ever and ever.  At least, I hope so.


1 comment:

grama v said...

Oh man I bawled my head off reading this today I read it already very emotional need my little family fix
I love you Seth Sara maddie and Baby V