The guilt

I'm still finding it difficult to get used to this working from home gig.  While I know that I was a solidly efficient worker at the various previous jobs I held, no one ever works ALL the time.   I spent time on personal emails, looking at various websites that were not work-related, and just chatting with coworkers.  In fact - if you look at that, and add on an hour for lunch - it probably adds up to at least 2 hours of non-productive time each day (if not lots lots more on those days where you just didn't feel like doing any work).

But now, as I drop Maddie off at daycare everyday, and come back home, I get SUCH feelings of guilt if I'm not working 100% the entire day.  Because the thought goes through my mind - just who do you think you are?  Having someone else take care of your child while you fritter away valuable time at home?  

And being the procrastinating, deadline-driven worker that I am, I often do my best, most efficient work as time is winding down (i.e. late afternoon, or hours before a project is due).  Why am I like that?  I don't know - always have been though and I don't see it changing anytime soon. But of course, that means that a lot of my mornings, while working from home, are spent wracked with guilt.  Guilt that I should be working.  Guilt that I'm paying someone to watch my child while I chat on the phone with a girlfriend.  Guilt that if I wasn't working, I should at least be doing SOMETHING (washing the floors? ironing clothes? I don't know - but I can say in the past, my house is always at it's cleanest when I'm working on a big work project - see, I can channel my procrastination so it's somewhat productive).

So here I am.  Writing a blog post about it.  And feeling guilty...

xxoo.S