Monday, October 27, 2008

The guilt

I'm still finding it difficult to get used to this working from home gig.  While I know that I was a solidly efficient worker at the various previous jobs I held, no one ever works ALL the time.   I spent time on personal emails, looking at various websites that were not work-related, and just chatting with coworkers.  In fact - if you look at that, and add on an hour for lunch - it probably adds up to at least 2 hours of non-productive time each day (if not lots lots more on those days where you just didn't feel like doing any work).

But now, as I drop Maddie off at daycare everyday, and come back home, I get SUCH feelings of guilt if I'm not working 100% the entire day.  Because the thought goes through my mind - just who do you think you are?  Having someone else take care of your child while you fritter away valuable time at home?  

And being the procrastinating, deadline-driven worker that I am, I often do my best, most efficient work as time is winding down (i.e. late afternoon, or hours before a project is due).  Why am I like that?  I don't know - always have been though and I don't see it changing anytime soon. But of course, that means that a lot of my mornings, while working from home, are spent wracked with guilt.  Guilt that I should be working.  Guilt that I'm paying someone to watch my child while I chat on the phone with a girlfriend.  Guilt that if I wasn't working, I should at least be doing SOMETHING (washing the floors? ironing clothes? I don't know - but I can say in the past, my house is always at it's cleanest when I'm working on a big work project - see, I can channel my procrastination so it's somewhat productive).

So here I am.  Writing a blog post about it.  And feeling guilty...

xxoo.S

1 comment:

Freckles said...

I think the important thing to focus on is, are you getting your work done? If so, it doesn't really matter how much time you spend "working", as long as you're completing work and meeting deadlines.