This post is called: 33 steps to fixing a stove...

...or 33 steps to the insanity that is known as requesting service on a recalled appliance.  Or 33 steps to getting annoyed on a Thursday night.  Or 33 steps after almost burning down the house because of fire-hazard cooktop...

1. After cooking pot of potatoes, turn element off.
2. Stare in befuddlement at element that will not turn off.
3. Try over and over and over again to turn element off.
4. Wonder at one's own sanity as to why this simplistic task is so incredibly difficult.
5. Finally realize (after 10 minutes of fiddling) that it is not, in fact, you that is broken, but said stove (more specifically, the element) that is broken.
6. Unplug stove.
7. Spend 15 minutes looking through organized (ha!) household appliance instruction manuals and warranties.
8. Find manual/warranty for said broken stove.
9. Call Canadian warranty number - find out that not only do they close at 5pm - they also get a break between 12pm-1pm from answering calls.
10. Get annoyed and bitch with husband about stupid stove.
11. Spend further 20 minutes looking through previous homeowner's paperwork to find purchase receipt to determine actual age of product.
12. Discover stove is not under warranty regardless of what is wrong with it.
13. Get even more annoyed and take your frustrations to the internet to Find! A! Solution!
14. Discover your stove has likely been recalled - due to elements that will turn on spontaneously and never again turn off.
15. Spend 10 minutes looking for serial number and model number to confirm recall.
16. Recall confirmed.
17. Call the recall line listed on website.
18. Get transfered to Canadian line.
19. Provide all of information and promptly get disconnected.
20. Call back and barely shielding annoyance, provide all particulars again.
21. Find out that yes, your stove has been recalled and is deemed a fire hazard.
22. Determine they will fix said element (and all other elements) free of charge.
23. Ask what could happen if same thing happens again.
24. Advised: ideally should turn breaker off whenever not using stove. Oh, and don't leave anything on top of it when not in use.
25. Laugh and ask for real answer.
26. Told is real answer.
27. Provide address details to determine timing of delivery man.
28. Advised earliest appointment available 2 weeks from now.
29. Promptly lose your shit and very sternly advise that this is Not. Acceptable.
30. After several minutes of silence, told that they could schedule for November 9th.
31. In effort of not pissing off service advisor, humbly accept date and write on calendar.
32. Ensure a reference number is received before hanging up phone.
33. Sit down and stare angrily at unplugged, dead, useless stove.

Thank you Frigidaire! I enjoy not eating. Or avoiding 3rd degree burns while cooking. Or spending my life savings in eating out for the next 1.5 weeks.

xxoo.S