Ever heard of PUPPP? Probably not. Because it's a crappy side-effect of pregnancy that actually isn't all that common (but not really uncommon - I don't know - what's a 1 in 200 chance? Personally, I'd play a lottery ticket on those odds).
Anyways, it's a rash. An itchy as all hell, bumpy, gross rash that goes from your belly up your chest, sometimes down your thighs and sometimes down your arms. And it's itchy. It shows up (usually) around the third trimester and goes away magically when the mother gives birth. And did I mention it's really effing itchy?
Oh, and it makes you look REALLY ATTRACTIVE. Like "my body is erupting in a pimply, itchy, gross rough rash" type of attractive. Now that's hawwwwt.
I'm holding out hope that it's actually not PUPPP but instead a random allergic reaction to the Palmer's Tummy Butter that I recently started using (and yes, I used it on more than my tummy a few times because I'm lazy and didn't feel like grabbing the regular moisturizer to finish the job - it's also exhausting for me to put on socks, and therefore I don't much anymore - wanna judge me?). In my frantic googling last night of pregnancy-itchy-rash-am-I-dying I found out that in fact lots of women get a rash from the Palmer's cream. Because it's so concentrated? Because pregnant women are weird? I dunno. I've never had a reaction to regular cocoa butter before, but I also know that a pregnant body is about as rational as me in a January shoe sale, so I wouldn't put it past hormones being at the root of this problem.
And in the meantime, while I'm in agony and hoping against hope that this stupid rash goes away, I'll leave you with one little tidbit. Certain studies show that 70% of PUPPP sufferers deliver boys.