Nine Months

Dear Katie,

Oh, what a month my little Katiebear. It's been stressful to say the very least.

We spent the month trying to fatten you up as much as possible - on strict doctor's orders. You moved from solely breastfeeding to solely bottle-feeding (you dealt with this far better than I did). And you moved away from jarred foods into the table-food arena of eating. This proved a bit challenging, because as much as you dislike the purees, your gummy chewing abilities still have a ways to go before we're offering you steak and the like.

However - we learned that you LOVE avocado when mixed with a bit of tomato and cream - guacamole for beginners. You also love broccoli, little hunks of overcooked carrot, pasta (any kind of pasta - avec beurre svp), salmon, yogurt and RASPBERRIES. Oh, how you love raspberries. Then again, they are the best fruit imaginable - so I totally get it.

Daddy and I did the unimaginable and left the country for 4 whole days this month. Grandma & Grandpa V and Bucky came up to take care of you and your sister. Apparently you were a sweetheart, taking your bottles like a pro, sleeping far better than you ever do for us, and enjoying the attention lavished upon you. It was so hard to leave - if it wasn't a free trip to Mexico in the final throes of winter, I'm not sure I would have gone. Again, I took it much harder than you did. You independent little thing.

This month also brought about your obsession with walking. Any chance you get, you'll grip onto my fingers and just start motoring towards whatever/whoever tickles your fancy. You've gotten quite good and can even stand for a second or two unassisted before starting to topple. I keep encouraging you to use the little push-walker, but you have absolutely no interest as of yet.

That being said - crawling is still a non-issue. You are starting to roll and scoot a bit more - but crawling seems like it may never happen. My back needs a break from all the assisted walking though - so we'll be "working on" your crawling this month...

Because - oh the frustration! You know when you want something. And to watch the frustration in your face when you flail and "air swim" to try and get there - oh it's comical and yet endearing, because you, my love, have a Temper. Yes, mastering the ability to craw would make everyone much happier I think.

You have also started "talking" so much more. We hear "da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da" all day long. I get the odd ma-ma-ma-ma -- usually when you're annoyed or grumpy or upset about something. "Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba" has started to come out often too - I'm not sure if you mean bottle just yet, or just making sounds - but it's amazing to watch the words starting to form. You are going to be a chatterbox just like your sister - I'd bet the farm on that.

You're also learning sign language and you're already signing "all done" and "more" quite well - not consistently, but definitely when you want to get your point across. And you love the baby signing classes - you flirt with the teacher and try to "kiss" the little boy sitting next to you - I wish we had more baby classes to take you to, as you so love being around little ones your age.

Oh my Katiebear - you are turning into such a little girl - still so much baby, and yet I can see your personality poking through more and more and more.

I can't wait to see what this month brings - you are our sunshine - filling up the days with brightness.

Now, just learn to sleep, would you? Please?

Love,
Mommy

Sigh of relief

Wow it's been a while and I've been silent. I do that when I don't like life - just kind of hibernate and deal with the now and my energies don't extend to complaining quite as vocally. Which is in direct contrast as to how I deal with minor hiccups - I'm usually quite a loud, complainy, bitch.

But now I can talk to you again, because on Monday we received word back on Katie's test results (the doc's office actually called me to give me the results over the phone! How refreshingly helpful is that?)... she passed them all and we're in the clear. We have a final follow up appointment with the pediatrician to wrap up the assessment and I'm guessing for us to ask any final questions, but yeah, we're done with the worry.

She is, as we hoped, just a tiny little thing.

Which she makes up for in massive attitude. Totally my girl...

xxoo.S

PS - I have to add - all the tests were performed at Toronto Sick Kids and W.O.W. is all I can say. Yes, there's a LOT of money put into that hospital - but it was the employees that we encountered that made a stressful visit just so much easier. They were all brilliant with Katie, brilliant with me - encouraging, efficient, comforting - pretty much everything you could hope for in a situation like that. What an incredible hospital with incredible staff.

This isn't an easy post to write

We had our follow up pediatrician appointment yesterday - Katie is still not gaining weight at any progressive rate that makes the doctor happy. Our little 8 month old weighed in at 14 lbs 2 ounces - which is actually down 2 ounces from when we were at the doctor a few weeks ago when she was sick.

Awesome possum.

And so - now we have to do tests. Start ruling things out (hopefully). Start loading up her food with butter or full-fat cream. And offer formula only.

There's the rub for me. That little sentence, "Oh - and quit the breastfeeding, now's the time for formula only." cut through me like a knife.

And I know it's best for her. And it's not about me. And regardless I shouldn't feel guilty. And we breastfed for 8 months and thats something to be proud of. And. And. And...

I don't get it - that I could breastfeed my first so easily, without issues and while she was tiny, she was always roly-poly. Smack dab between the 10th and 25th percentiles, never a cause for concern. Always a great eater. It makes no sense that I have trouble breastfeeding my second. It's supposed to get easier over time, not harder.

And yet - that's the best I can hope for. That somehow my milk is nutritionally deficient and that I'm at the root of this, because the alternatives could be far worse and I'm not even going there yet, because we have visits to Sick Kids and tests to run and bottles to push and extra-caloric butter to add to mashed potatoes right now.

That's where my focus is and needs to be. The future will tell us what the future will hold. No point in worrying about it now.

The silver, ironic little lining?

We came home from the appointment, she was EXHAUSTED and drank a 4 ounce bottle before her nap like it was no big deal. Of course she did, right? Because we haven't been fighting with her to take a bottle for 5 months or anything. Maybe she saw the determination in my eye. Or pure panicking desperation...

Regardless - she's taken 4 bottles thus far - all 3-4 ounces at a time. So we are doing what we can do for now.

xxoo.S

Bright shiny star

Even in my sleep-deprived grumpy bear-like state, I could help but brag about this...

That's right. She's a fucking genius.

xxoo.S

3am

The deepest part of night. Where things still go bump and boo and you can't be convinced that the shadow is just a shadow.

It's a time of night when thoughts get dark - things are bigger, worse, more troubling, more concerning - nothing is as it seems and everything seems as it shouldn't.

Rambling internal monologue is depressing and veers into the fantastical. Reality is tenuous and sleep is like a forgotten dream.

And through it all, there is a little person who needs you. For comfort. For snuggles.

She is your rock. Your grounding reality. Her eyes stare into yours, wide and dark pools of blackness - trusting you to be her rock.

And so you swallow your anger. Your self-pity. You find reserves that do not need sleep. And you hum one more lullaby...

xxoo.S

The Binky Fairy

I'm not sure if I've ever really explained what was (WAS - we'll get to that in a second!) Maddie's obsession with pacifiers (binkies in our house). She used them from like, the first week I think? She was a baby who NEEDED a binky. Otherwise she'd get all screamy and irritating.

As she got older, the hold on binkies got stronger. She used them all.the.time. We were those parents with a kid in the grocery store talking around her binky. We started to get comments and jabs from random strangers, well-meaning friends and family -- "So when do you think she'll be ready to give those up?" we'd be asked -- answer? Never. She would never give these up if given the choice.

The past, oh? YEAR or so has been a nightly routine of rounding up every binky she owned - between 6 and 8 - she always slept with one in her mouth and one clutched tightly in each hand. And if you were REALLY good she'd favour you with a binky rub. That's a rub of the pacifier up and down your cheek - it... well, I never really got what she got out of this - but it was her comfort thing.

So yes, in a nutshell - she was hooked.

I think it was filling out the kindergarten registration forms that did it. Seeing as she'll still only be 3 when she starts class in the fall, it's already so scary. But sending a binky-obsessed 3 year old? She'd get tossed out. Or ridiculed or something equally horrendous and guilt-inducing.

So we started talking up the "Binky Fairy". You know, the fairy that comes and leaves a fantastically wonderful gift if you leave all your binkies for her...

Never heard of her? Think Tooth Fairy but pimped out for maximum bribery leverage.

Maddie was all over this idea and she loved that the Binky Fairy would then give out her binkies to other little baby boys and girls that needed them.

My child is nothing if not altruistic -- seriously, she's such a good person I wonder who her real mother is sometimes.


She started bringing up the Binky Fairy in regular conversation. Even (handily) started telling me what she was going to be leaving for Maddie as a present when she gave up her binkies.

Ironically - it was fairies... I'm not sure why this amused me.


And so, this past weekend, we rounded up all the binkies in the house, put them in a lovely little box with a note from Maddie on the front. Tied it up with ribbon (what? I like my presentations) and left it at the front door before she went to bed.

Getting to sleep was difficult that night - but once she was finally down, she stayed there - all night. And in the morning there was a massive package waiting on the front step for her. Fairies - lots of them. And a little fairy kitchen set thing to go in the fairy house we've been making together.

Oh yes - we've been making a fairy house. I didn't have kids to not play and craft and make things, okay?

The gift went down a bomb. Especially the glittery hand-written thank you note from the Binky Fairy. That's been carted around and enjoyed almost as much as the actual gift.

And through all this? Zero tears. Kind of anti-climatic really - I mean, did I underestimate her obsession or is it the level-headed Libra in her that has simply accepted her fate?

Who cares. I'm just so happy to finally be on the other side of it.

xxoo.S

Eight Months

Dear Katie,

I write this while you slumber upstairs - sleep has been a challenge this month. You've been sick. You're teething. You're more aware now. And I give in - each and every time. But cuddles at 3am can sometimes be so nice (if I wasn't so bloody tired at the time). I'm hoping your teeth come soon - but I've learned (from your sister) that a watched pot never boils and have tried not to obsess over them too much.

Another challenge has been food. You hate baby food. HATE it. Where did you get this strong personality from, hmmm? And thus, far earlier than I planned, you have started on finger foods.  Banana chunks dusted in pulverized cheerios. Pasta pieces from my chicken noodle soup. Rice, mashed potatoes, toast, pizza crust - you are a carb-o-holic my little tiny thing.

And yes, you are still very tiny, off the scale in weight on the growth charts at just 14 lbs 4 ounces (although that weight was taken at the doctor's office while we were both quite sick from a nasty cold). It's a bit worrying - but you don't look skinny - just tiny, with chunk-a-monk thighs. In the meantime, I feed you avocado almost daily trying to fatten you up...

You love playtime and your new favourite thing is to "walk" with Daddy. I never really gave much credence to the whole "walk before they could crawl" baby stories - but this may be you... With no interest in crawling and whole lot of protesting whenever you're on your belly on the playmat, I'm not sure how you're even going to learn to crawl. And yet, you're so happy to be cruising around holding our hands or the furniture. I think you see your sister running circles around you and you just want to get up into the action!

We start baby signing classes this coming week - I think you're going to love being around other babies, since you take the opportunity to SCREECH at any babies you see while we're out shopping. And I'm looking forward to getting out of the house just the two of us.

What else to say about 8 months monkey? You are strong willed, you are inquisitive, you are a flirt (with Daddy mainly - you only have eyes for him once he gets home from work), you are a hard audience (but I can get a giggle or two daily from you if I try hard enough), you are easily frustrated and will be very happy to be mobile soon - you are a 5 year old trapped in an 8 month old's body.

Don't grow up too fast okay? I still want to enjoy your babyhood - trust me, there's lots of time for the running, skipping, jumping you seem to want to do. Baby steps...

We love you, our little Katiebear, so very much.

Love,
Mommy

Not for weak stomachs

I pondered actually sharing this story, because of the grossness factor - but it really was one for the archives, and so...

Our Family Day Monday was spent staying inside, all battling The Sick (with the exception of Maddie - the initial germ spreader). At one point I looked at the Hubs and said "I need a bath - alone" (this meant Miss M would not be notified of my bath, so that I could actually take it without her stripping down and jumping in uninvited). And so, for the next luxurious hour, I lounged and read a magazine cover-to-cover. Bliss.

Meanwhile, the Hubs took this opportunity to clean up after lunch, while Katie sat in the family room playing with toys. (Sidebar: she's such a good sitter now! I forgot how adorable it is to watch a baby sit and grab the nearest toy and start playing - makes them seem so much more grown up).

Except this "grabbing of nearby things" is what this story is all about...

So the Hubs takes a break from cleaning up the kitchen to pop an eye over at sweet Katiebear, and what does he see?

a) Katie happily playing away with her toys
b) Katie being accosted by too much "attention" from Maddie and/or Seamus
c) Katie happily noshing away the  dog's rawhide bone

While a) would be best case scenario (and not make for much of an interesting blog post), and b) would usually be a safe guess, it is not today - unfortunately for all involved the answer is - c).

Yep. Apparently she had the rawhide bone (the yummy pre-chewed end!) all the way in her mouth, slurping and chewing away on it like it was the best thing she had tasted all week. He said when she pulled it out of her mouth there was a line of drool and a long, soggy, wet piece of rawhide that she was clearly trying to gum off the bone.

Say it with me.... ewww! Gross!

Of course, the Hubs immediately sprang into action - grabbed the bone from her (she protested, loudly), wiped her mouth out with a cloth (heh), and then washed the bone for good measure (huh?).

He did not, as I likely would have, grab the camera and take a shot for historical purposes.

Drat.

xxoo.S

35 things - part 1

Sickness derailed my Family Day long weekend plans - Maddie's daycare germs took first Katie down and then me. Chesty coughing fits sound the worst when they come from a little bebe. Luckily for her, while she sounded wheezy, a quick trip to the doctor confirmed that it wasn't settled in her lungs and she has been officially declared on the mend. I, on the other hand, am not so lucky, and have been prescribed a 10-day treatment of antibiotics.

So I waved the Hubs off (to his parents house, where Maddie's spent the majority of the week already), and here I am. Alone and just a little bit melancholy all weekend - usually I like my quiet time in the house - but this weekend has been a bit lonely. And conversation only goes so far with a 7 month old...

During one of my more introspective moments I realized while I griped about my coming to the ripe old age of 35, I hadn't really embraced the wisdom that has come along with it. And with that wisdom, the awareness that there is so much more to learn.

So, in my rambling thoughts (and subsequent nonsensical rambling here), I've decided that this year, my 35th year, I will learn 35 things. New things. Big things. Small things. I doesn't matter - and for once I'm not planning it. I don't know what I will learn - I have no goals of what I want to learn. (Well, scratch that, I have plenty of goals of new things I plan on doing this year - but none are going to be categorized as a "must learn so I can check it off my list".)

Nope - I'm just going to fly by the seat of my pants on this one - and keep you (and myself) abreast of these new learnings. Because that's what wise old women do - they share the wealth of their years...

And so, taking stock of what I have learned in these first 33 days of my 35th year...

1. How to cook an omelet ~ I've always been a scrambled egg girl - but I had a hankering last weekend for a yummy mushroom + cheese omelet and instead of forcing the Hubs to make me breakfast for the umpteenth time, I decided I would learn how to do it myself. It was good. (The secret? Don't use milk and don't throw in the cheese until it's almost done). Voila. I do not have to deal with scrambled eggs for the rest of my life. (For the record - the Hubs omelets taste far yummier - so while I may have learned a new skill, it is by no means, honed)
2. How to hug better ~ I read a fascinating article in this month's Good Housekeeping (see? I told you I was old - actually, I only bought it because my Gwyneth was on the cover) - it was all about Gretchen Rubin's challenge to herself to fully and scientifically pursue happiness for a full year. She called it her "Happiness Project". And so, one of the takeaways that resonated with me - we should hold our hugs for 20 seconds - that optimizes the flow of chemicals that promotes bonding. So, next time you hug someone - give it 20 seconds - just try it and see if you feel different.

Umm - yep. That's all I've got - all I've learned so far, in my 35th year. Hopefully now that I've started this list, I'll get better at actually remembering what new items I've learned.

Enjoy the rest of your Family Day weekend - my family returns tonight - in time for bedtime, but at least I get to spend one day with them.

xxoo.S

Wordless Wednesday - Sisterly Love

Now that's a precious moment...

xxoo.S

Chin hickeys and dog toots

Katie has hit that adorable baby stage where she has learned to give kisses. Of course they are open-mouthed, slobbery wet baby kisses - and my aggro little troll-baby will grab my face/ears with her talons hands and pull me towards her until she's essentially biting my nose, chin, cheek - whatever she can get her mouth on. She's a girl who knows what she wants alright - and lately, that's giving my chin the whatfor whenever she's feeling particular amorous. Heh.

Not to be outdone, Maddie has picked up the rather disgusting habit of licking my face whenever she gets the chance. I think she's coming in for a snuggle and next thing I know she's got her tongue in my eye. It.is.gross. And the more I protest the grossness of it all, the more determined she is. I think I will bookmark this post "Things To Embarrass My Teenage Daughters With".

When I'm not getting facially assaulted by my offspring, I've been spending time in the backyard doing training romps with my pup. Who hasn't learned the concept of "gentle" yet. This means, while training him with treats in hand, my fingers have been chewed, nipped, mouthed and any other synonym for BITTEN that you can find. In freezing cold winter wind - that's a.w.e.s.o.m.e.

Sidebar: all this training is due to starting our "puppy" classes last week - we're practicing so Seamus isn't such an embarrassment next time. Because, OF COURSE he was the worst behaved dog in the class, right? To put it bluntly he was a barking, anxious, crazy, jumping asshole dog during our first class. And because I may or may not be Type-A-Crazy, I've spent an inordinate amount of time training the hell out of him to try and ensure he at least wins Most-Improved this week.

All this training has meant a lot of treats for our little Shame-Wow, and that in turn, has meant I get stunk off the couch in the evening. Damn. It is potently disgusting. Horrible breath and other gassy smells - definitely a strong CON in the list if you're considering dog ownership.

Ah yes, chin hickeys and dog farts - my life is so exciting.

xxoo.S

Music Monday

So, remember when I mentioned my pink blog that I wrote for a few years? Some of my favourite posts were walks down memory lane via music. I don't know about you - but I definitely have  soundtrack to my life - and at one time, actually prided myself on being fairly knowledgeable of new music/artists etc. 

My passion has always been the classics - rock from Elvis onward pretty much. You show me a guitar-player with long hair and I'll show you my devil horns - booyah! I'm a big fan of the jazz masters - Ella, Nina, Louis, Dizzy, Dinah - they all have a special place in my heart. But I love(d) me some current stuff too - from the grunge-rockers I cut my teeth on in highschool up to the "alternative" "indie-rock" "independents" that carried my through university. I'm embarrassingly out of touch nowadays - but as I gain more free time (and an ipad for my itunes library) I want to re-acquaint myself with some of the new artists. And don't get me wrong - I'm not against the top 40's - it's feel-good music and sometimes you just wanna dance...

For now - I give you my first "music memory" post from back in the day - along with my commentary (because of course I can't do anything without commentary)... oh lord. This could be embarrassing. And the blogs (friends) the post originally linked to have long abandoned their blogs - but they know who they are...

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I was in Montreal with some colleagues yesterday, and as we were waiting for our flight, we got to talking about how a song can totally take you back to a time and place, good or bad, in memory. It's so true and yet, put on the spot, I couldn't think of one song that reminded me of last December.

So I'm adding a new series of posts... Music Memories (or M+Ms as they will undoubtedly be called from now on) 

• Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol - forever will remind me of the "Irish Weeks" as we've called them - that period in October when we were blessed to have 2 of our fave friends stay with us for a couple of weeks. They were loving this song and totally are responsible for getting me fully into this band. And for those of you that are scoffing right now at the ballad-y pop-y stuff this band has - take the advice they gave me - just listen to the words - really nice stuff.  ~I actually listened to this album a tonne while I was pregnant with Maddie and to this day this song immediately brings me back to: me, with a massive belly, driving too and from work in the summer of 2007. Still gives me that nervous, what the hell am I doing having a kid, OMG, butterflies in the stomach-feeling.

• My Humps by the Black Eyed Peas - wow, another cheesy submission you're thinking. Well, maybe - but this song will always remind me of a Fall 2005 weekend spent with the Gene Goddess herself, having a blast and a Sat night where we danced our asses off. To me, this really was a turning point in what had been a bit of a rocky friendship in recent years - but this weekend was the turning point where we both found a common ground and discovered what we liked about each other again and finally starting hanging out on regular basis after way too many years of not doing so. ~Oh I could be all embarrassed about this song choice - but then you'd be missing the point! I found my friend again people! And I had missed her. *tear*

• Santa Monica by Everclear - and oldie, but a goodie. This was actually my fave band for a while back in the 90's, and will always remind me of that year before uni, where I worked at a Licence Bureau with one of my best friends + her mom - we were the only 2 left in Kingston as all our friends did college/uni directly afterhighschool, so we had plenty of some good times listening to this album. ~Shout out to Boggs! Love you my girl! We saw this band live twice I think - once at the debacle known as Woodstock '99. My shirt got ripped off (while crowdsurfing - so I think I may have asked for it), we bought fake magic mushrooms, bottled water for $8 and corn on the cob with dirt on it. It was real. Real gritty.

• Chloe Dancer by Motherlovebone - many of you may not know this band - but they were Pearl Jam before Eddie. And they had a pretty great album that epitomized the Seattle grunge scene back in the very early 90's. This song was featured on the soundtrack for Singles and I fell in love with it. I listened to this song over and over and over again - just ask Rob. ~To this day this song gives me chills. And takes me back to a time of ripped jeans, teenage angst and late night phone calls.

• Fourth of July by Soundgarden - writing the above bullet just reminded me of this song. Ahhh, Ruttan - I miss you dude. ~Yup, I still do.

• Seven Nation Army by the White Stripes - okay, getting a little more current - sorry for the flashbacks folks... this song was way overplayed on the Edge in 2003, but totally will always remind me of getting ready for work in the morning while Hubby waited patiently (or not!) - we only had 1 car at the time, and were both working in Markham, so carpooled in everyday. As hellish as it seemed at the time, it was a nice way to have more chats with him, especially as we were working 14 hour days, and there never seemed to be any other time to catch up. ~Hmm - listening to this song again didn't quite take me back to the time, but I'm glad I penned the memory. Those mornings could be tense - but I did love the chats we had while sitting in traffic.

• Riot Van by the Arctic Monkeys - great memories of Spring 2006 with Hubby. We were both in love with this CD from start to end, but had both (separately) decided this was the best song on the disc by far. No specific memory for this song, just one of those really great couple of months in life - you know, where you look back and totally wish you could relive that time - we had a wicked trip to San Fran, things were good at work for both of us, the weather was getting warmer and we were looking forward to the summer - love those kinds of memories... ~Now this song definitely does still take me right back to that moment in time - you know, where the memory is so strong you can smell it? I smell San Francisco when I hear this song - it was a fun trip and just a free, happy time.

Well, that was a fun walk down memory lane for me. Don't worry, I'm not going to be doing this every Monday....

xxoo.S

Maybe she's just tiny

After our follow up appointment with our regular doctor re: Katie's weight we were referred to a pediatrician. Well, perhaps notsomuch referred as I bullied her into giving us the ability to get a second opinion...

To-may-to, tom-ah-to...

Our appointment with the pediatrician was yesterday - and he confirmed that yes, she was underweight. Or "not gaining as quickly as we would like to see her gain".

Before I go further, I just want to reiterate - this doc is goooood. As in - he takes concerns seriously, isn't (very) condescending, and very much loves kids (which is nice to see in a pediatrician I suppose).

After asking many family health history questions (Crone's, Celiac, allergies) and observing her, he came to the opinion that it's probably nothing. She looks good - she is growing (just slowly) - and she's hitting her developmental milestones (v good). He's of the opinion that perhaps my milk isn't as good (fatty) or plentiful as it should be (yes he said it much more nicely than that - but I'm boiling it down to what he meant) - he'd like to see her supplemented with formula more if possible - but is also all, meh - don't change your life over this, if she won't take a bottle, don't wreck your head about it.

I may be getting a prescription for domperidone. We will be trying more and more with formula and a bottle or sippy or anything she will bloody well drink out of. Solids are going to be pushed harder and more - but he's not suggesting we add butter or full-fat cream to her food... yet. (yes! this is actually something they suggest with underweight babies - crazy, non?)

We have another appointment in a month to check on how she's doing. He (awesomely) closed out the appointment by looking at me and (sincerely) saying - "I don't want you to worry about this. She's fine. F.I.N.E. She'll probably start gaining again just as suddenly as it dropped off and in the end, this won't matter - it won't affect her growth or development or anything. That's what I want you to take away from this - that she will be okay and not to worry more than necessary."

I love him a lot for doing that. Because clearly I'm freaking the fuck out. She's small - not registering on the growth charts small. Screams when you try to feed her baby food. Fights (as of today) and refuses to have a spoon  jammed in her mouth. Only really chews on a bottle and drinks nothing vigorously except for water from a sippy cup. All that scares the shit out of me. She doesn't look skinny. But she is petite. And doesn't seem to like eating.

And that's weird to me. And I'm not used to it. And that adds up to me getting freaked out. But I'm thankful there's no testing or official "concerns" for now.

Very thankful.

xxoo.S

Why write?

I had a friend jokingly refer to me as a "mommy blogger" a while back and I was quick to deny the label. Not because I don't like the label, but I can't group myself in with women that actually spend time, effort, even programming skills on their blog. I don't... do any of that. I think at one time I thought I'd start on twitter and promote myself and connect with some companies and do some contests and, and, and.....

Nope. Not for me.

I don't do Twitter. It's a time-suck of massive proportions, and I'm not sure if it's my distractability, but I get on there and then look up and BAM! 2 hours have gone by. And the few times that companies did contact me for samples or contests or whatever (ages ago - when I was trying out Twitter and they were fooled into thinking I was potentially Someone Important) - well, I just looked at their lovely PR emails and thought to myself, bleeeeurgggh. Not into it. And I'm certainly not so important that I am "Too Busy" for everything - but yeah, no. Just.... not into finding the time to do it...

But still - I blog. And why? Why put all this out into space if you don't want to promote yourself and do stuff or get free stuff, right? Honestly - I just like to journal. That is it full-stop. I've been doing it for years and years and years (trust me - my old Annie Diary is in my basement as we speak with dozens of entries about my dog and my step-brother and the neighbourhood friends that I would bitch and moan about constantly) (guess some things never change) (yes, I was six years old at the time).

I loved writing for myself - and (after one mortifying incident where my mom found my diary and grounded me for the contents of it) I never minded sharing what I wrote. Sometime in our early twenties, I actually let my closest girlfriends sit and read through some of my high-school diaries while we shared some glasses of wine and laughed our asses off at my drama and self-pity and teenage angst. It could've been embarrassing - but really, it was just funny.

I think I have a few more notebooks from my early twenties (uni days) - but then I stopped. I was a sporadic writer by then at the best of times, and I think I just felt too old to be writing in a diary anymore? I'm not sure - I don't think I really thought about why I quit at the time that I did - I just stopped.

And a few years later discovered this new-fangled-thang called blogging and ba-dum-dum-dum... I was back into it instantly. True to form - my first blog was all about my wedding plans - because that was what I was LIVING for at the time (planning a wedding in 4 short months was like crack-cocaine for this planning diva - I was in heaven!). I was living, eating, breathing all things nuptial and wanted to share what was happening with family/friends - and so I blogged it.

When that was over, I started my next blog - it was more irreverent and not a URL I actually gave out to family. I still love that lil' pink blog and have never killed it - but, no, will not be linking to it anytime soon. It is like a "nutshell" of my mid-twenties. Obsessed with shopping, how I'd spend the lottery, hot movie stars that I fancied at the time, interspersed with angry rants about stupid people (bad drivers, stupid dry cleaners - I lived in the city at the time, there was no shortage to my rants). I was grown up and yet so immature. It was life "before kids". (Maybe that's why I hold onto it)

While I was writing my pink blog, I had more requests from family on updates about newly married life - you know - those that loved the wedding blog and wanted more of us (of COURSE they did!)... so this blog was born. And it was a "family" blog - it's only purpose was to update all what we were up to... but then Maddie was born and it evolved - just like I evolved. Less about me - more about her. Less about us - more about US.

And it's worked out just fine. Family, friends - hell, even people I don't even know all that well - they are kept up to date on our little corner of the world. I worry less about the baby books and making sure I "remember" that hilarious day we had, because I know if I write about it, I'll always remember it.

So, I guess when it comes down to it - I write for me.

It's not for you.

And it's not for them.

It's for us.

xxoo.S

This is our life - aka Snippets

• We had a follow up appointment to check Katie's weight progress today. In two weeks she's gained 4 ounces - which puts her at 13 lbs 13 oz as a 7 month old - still not even registering on the growth charts. Our "fantastic" (heavy, sarcastic air quotes being used here) family doc isn't worried - thinks all is fine, because you know, she looks okay. I requested quite strongly for a pediatrician referral and she finally gave up arguing with me and said okay. So now, we wait and see what he says...
• Maddie started ballet last Thursday - through the community rec program (meaning it was only $30 for 7 weeks - which suits my cheapass just f.i.n.e.). She loves it but is clearly the youngest and possibly least coordinated kid in there. I watch her clomp around the gym with a massive grin on her (and my) face... best $30 I ever spent.
• The Hubs was awarded with a 4 day holiday in Mexico in March from his employer and I'm.... not so much looking forward to it (yes, you can punch me in the face right now). It's not that I don't crave some sunshine and escape from the winter - but it also means 4 days away from my Kates (Maddie too - but let's face it - she'll probably barely notice we're gone). The Hubs refuses to even entertain the idea that we bring her along with us. Oh and it also means I need to find a bathing suit that covers, erm... EVERYTHING. I may pop over to 1928 and buy a suit from then.
• That being said - I am trying to make good on my resolution to lose weight - I even attended a spin class yesterday. It fucking hurt. At the time it hurt - you know how much it hurts the next day when it already hurts while you're doing it? Let's just say, going up or down stairs was tragic for me today. TRAGIC.

Yep - that's us in a nutshell right now...

xxoo.S

Why do kids do this?

Tonight, while eating a pre-dinner snack of frozen peas...

Maddie: I think a pea came out of my nose.

Me: I don't think so. Unless you put one up there - DID you put one up there??

Maddie: No.

10 seconds later

Maddie: I think there's a pea up my nose.

Me: How did it get there? Did you put a pea up your nose? You're too old for this...

Maddie: I didn't. Maybe Katie did it.

In the end the pea was too far up for any kind of extraction - and while trying to get her to blow it out (while blocking the other nostril) it disappeared. I think she may have sucked it up so high it went into her throat. At least I hope that's what happened. I don't see it anymore...

xxoo.S

Seven Months

Dear Katie,

What to say this month? Your personality is getting stronger and louder and more growly (yes, growl-y)... I think we're going to have our hands full with you. Is it possible there's a stronger, more stubborn, more opinionated person in this household than me? I think, perhaps, yes...

Having been on solids for over a month there's still nothing that makes you crazy happy - no little bird with her mouth wide open here. Most meals are spent with you fussing or groaning or (yes) growling your way through it. You are (marginally) happier if you have your own spoon to play with - and you shut the hell up if we give you something in the mesh feeder or a cookie or some other self-feeding/gnawing item. What with all this behaviour and your tendency to grab desperately at anything on my plate or within reaching distance while on my lap, my conclusion is this: I think you're D.O.N.E. with the baby food. Trust me kid - I can't wait I can just throw some things on your tray and let you go to town --- but I'm pretty sure you need to be eating the pureed stuff a bit longer. We'll see - I recently acquired a baby food mill and with that means you can start eating (or getting a taste of) what we're eating. Mmmmmmm!

I'd love to say that all this eating and nursing every couple of hours means you're busting out of your clothes - but nope. You're tiny. Alarmingly so, in fact - and so we will have another appointment with the doctor next week to check your weight again and see if you've managed to get back on the growth charts you so recently fell off of. That being said - you don't LOOK small. You're still roly poly and have chunkamonk thighs - but the scale says what the scale says...


In other, happier news - you added a new skill this month. SITTING. You love to sit and pay with an assortment of toys around you. Rarely falling backwards anymore - I still put the pillow behind you just in case - but you'll sit without toppling for an hour at a time. This also means you're within licking distance of the dog - luckily you and Seamus are developing a lovely little bond - you protest his "kisses" far less than the washcloth cleaning your face after a meal.

The sleep - well, it's still up and down. We've done a bit of sleep training this month, because the hour long routine of rocking/walking/patting of the bum was getting a bit - tiresome - to say the least. And so you've cried far more than you or I or Daddy would like. It's not been fun. And you are STUBBORN. You fight sleep. You hate to see someone leave your room. You protest it all. LOUDLY. Oh Katie - please just learn to love sleep like the rest of us do. Because damn... I need to buy shares in cover up for the dark circles beneath my eyes.

We're going to be starting baby sign language class. I loved this with your sister and I think it would be a nice change for us to go to a class where there's other babies, instead of being carted around to 3 year old classes/groups. And you're already so interested whenever I'm signing to you - such a smart girl...

That is you my Kates - strong willed (already), stubborn (already), but still an absolute sweetheart that loves to flirt with Daddy, throws her arms up in the air and grunt/smile/grunt whenever I walk in the room, and smile while reachreachreaching for Maddie whenever she's near.

Just making yourself known... I get it. And love you for it.

Love,
Mommy

PS - the eye colour? Is still kind of changing - sometimes it's grey, often it's hazel, and sometimes (thankfully rarely) it's a light brown... Don't think it's decided just yet. But blue? Not even on the radar anymore...

It's a milestone day!

Maddie just went to her first dentist appointment. She was (understandably) trepidatious - regardless of how much I tried to hype it up as a fun, exciting event - she was onto my game and eyed everyone in the office as warily as you should eye up a "helpful" stranger whilst backpacking thru Europe.

When the dentist came in I almost laughed out loud. Because he was tall. Like, really really fucking tall. So tall that it was hilarious - you know? (Am I the only one that wants to laugh out loud at really tall people? Is that strange?)

He was, of course, lovely and thankfully resisted rolling his eyes at me when I a) preemptively apologized for the state of her teeth and/or cavities (blaming her juice habit like one apologizes for their crazy alcoholic grandfather), b) tried to sit on the chair with her and only succeeded in swiveling it around at top speed whilst he was trying to patiently explain the instruments to her, and c) insisted on taking a look in her mouth when he said "yes, she does have her 2nd molars" like he wasn't the expert or something?

And so - no cavities, no (lasting) trauma, and she got to pick out a "prize" from the "treasure chest". And another milestone chalked up for Maddie...

xxoo.S

She survived

Katiebear that is - she survived. Go Hubs at keeping daughter #2 alive and well and (relatively) happy for 24 hours! And a big shout out to the MIL for playing wingman and helping out - I know he couldn't have done it without you!

The highs? When she was happy, she was very very happy... she played, she smiled, she flirted. The lows? She refused every.single.bottle. Apparently they tried hot, they tried cold, they tried cold with ice. It was served in 4 different types of bottles (including the "just like breast!" Tommee Tippee bottle I picked up the day before I left - guess what Tommee? You're not just like breast and Katie HATES you!).

The kid hates bottles. This is definitely a "chalk one up for the parenting fail" column ... we were lazy in early months and she's stubborn.

Instead she ate A LOT of cereal. Cereal all day. Cereal before naps. Cereal at 12:30am when she woke up looking for some comfort.

And how did she repay all these efforts? By sleeping thru until 7am. Yay them. They got more sleep than I did. Stupid hard uncomfortable hotel mattress...

And so experiment in MommaFreedom worked. You can in fact leave a 6 month old with 2 very capable adults for full 24 hours. She will survive and you don't (necessarily) have to drink your way through coping with the guilt.

But the cosmos tasted oh so good...

xxoo.S

PS - I'd post a recap of my weekend with the ladies - but really, all you need is a nutshell: Spa=relaxation. Shopping=FUN. Drinking/Laughing/Primping in hotel room=hilarious. Dinner in private room=delicious and fancyschmancy. Dancing=lame as fuck (not because we're old, but because the DJ was horrible).

But didn't we all look purty?

When I grow up I'm going to get drunk and go dancing

What do you do when you're turning 35? THIRTY. FIVE.

First you have a heart attack and wonder what the hell happened - because dude, 35? That's FOR SURE grown up material. I can't start sentences with "When I grow up I'm gonna...." anymore. I need to buy sensible furniture and think about how much I'm putting into RRSP's and eat bran everyday.

Put another way - 35 is a whole 'nother AGE BRACKET. I've gotten used to ticking the "25-34" age bracket when I sign up for something. It's a nice age bracket. I remember being 25. That means 34 isn't so old right? Since they group us in with the 25 year olds...

Age bracket of 35-44 is a bit lack-luster. It's boring grown-up-ville where I buy Cheese Whiz and worry about the weather and forget to sign permission forms. I'm mere steps away from getting a sensible haircut!

And so - this weekend... I've gathered some good girlfriends. I've rented the largest suite Pantages Hotel has to offer. I've bought a cocktail dress that (sort of) hides all my mom-body-frump. I have 4 pairs of shoes/booties/shabooties shortlisted for consideration. I have the spa booked. I have dinner at a fancy-shmancy "Supper Club" booked. We are on the guest list at a dance club where we've been promised not to be the "oldest" people in attendance.

We will be pampered. We will drink. We will laugh and dance and talk and dance. And then we will drink some more.

I'm terrified of leaving my bebe overnight when she doesn't take a bottle and is a total mom-suck. I'm terrified that I don't have the stamina for a "session" after becoming so old and decrepit. I'm terrified that I will not be able to pull off the electric blue tights that I plan on wearing.

But I'm looking far too effing forward to it all to let it bother me that much.

xxoo.S